10 Things I Wish I Hadn’t Learned About Myself in Isolation

We here in Los Angeles have been (somewhat unsuccessfully) at this for a few (SINCE MARCH!) months now. Here are some of the things I unfortunately learned along the way. 

1. When the news gets stressful, I run wholeheartedly into the warm embrace of Reality TV. I wish I could say I DIDN’T know what was going on with Ramona (Housewives), or that I wasn’t sure who’s pie crust had a soggy bottom (Great British Baking Show, and Alice, among many others!), or that 90 Day Fiancé is a… real thing. But I do. And it is. I’m sorry. 

2. Baking still irritates me because I don’t like to measure. I, like almost everyone I know, have a sourdough starter and during quarantine have made biscuits, a pie, and scones. Do I dance around the kitchen, singing songs and baking with glee? NO. I improvise my own measurements and wonder why it didn’t come out the way it was supposed to. 

3. I’m never going to print those photos off my iPhone. Stop emailing me, Snapfish. I’m not. 

4. You don’t need to clean if no one is coming over. I may have known this before, but I am re-reminded, if no friends are visiting, I will conveniently forget where the vacuum lives. 

5. I have way too many sheet face masks, nail polish colors and Sephora samples… and even with extra time, I still won’t use them. 

6. Deodorant is necessary even if you’re just sitting on the couch. I’m not even going to dignify this one with an explanation just- trust me. We all still need it.

7. My phone usage is HIGH. Have you ever checked to see how many hours of each day you are actually on the phone? Prepare for a cell-phone sobriety check. I have started keeping my phone under a couch cushion, just so I cannot be tempted. 

8. I still can’t find a regular meditation practice. Oh sure, I dabble here and there. But the twenty minute morning and night I hear of some people doing? Wow. And- still hasn’t clicked. 

9. I go through a lot of Tito’s. Again, not going to delve too much into this bad behavior. But one handle was clearly NOT going to be enough for quar. 

10. I have become a Zoom expert. I know how to make my background the Taj Mahal, “upgrade” my appearance, and position my lights so they give that perfect glow. Now if only Zoom could bring me a nice Tito’s and soda, we’d be set…

Image: GIPHY

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Susan-Kate Heaney (Los Angeles, CA) @sue_kate Susan-Kate Heaney is an actor (Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, The Mindy Project, Masters of Sex), writer (multiple one-woman shows, webseries, movies) and new mom (Clover). She loves comedy and performs live often (improv, stand-up, sketch). She is the host of a podcast called "The Quirks" and spoiler alert... she has many of them. ​

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