5 Spaghetti Squash Recipes Guaranteed to Satisfy No One

1. Spaghetti Squash Casserole: If you’re in the mood to cook up some hearty comfort food for the family, this recipe will not help you accomplish that. Spaghetti squash provides approximately 0% comfort. If you serve this casserole, you will only be able to concentrate on the confused, smacking lips of your poor family members as they try to put their finger on what, exactly, has gone wrong. 


2. Shrimp Scampi Spaghetti Squash: What’s that odd flavor peeking through? Something’s not right here. Is the shrimp undercooked? Oh, no, that’s just the disappointing presence of spaghetti squash, whose plain flavor and mealy texture makes you feel like you’re eating gristle. Bummer! 


3. Spaghetti Squash Cacio e Pepe: Ahh, cacio e pepe. Between the simple flavors that pop and the gooey texture, it’s no wonder why this dish has become a fan favorite. But you know what’s not a fan favorite, and never will be? This demonic, vegetable-based approximation. It’s a sorry excuse for a meal. Even coated with an unconscionable amount of cheese, these sad strings of gourd cannot be saved. 


4. Chicken Pesto Spaghetti Squash: Honestly, stop. Christ, you have a higher likelihood of getting “authentic Italian food” at Olive Garden. This recipe is fooling no one. Now your kids are crying because you ruined pasta. Was any of this worth it?  


5. Thai Peanut Spaghetti Squash: Don’t worry, it’s not only Italian cuisine that can get totally annihilated by these flavorless, gluten-free, sad strings of gourd. Even Thai food—arguably the tastiest cuisine in the entire world—will become swiftly wrecked when you try beyond hope to make spaghetti squash palatable. Look what you’ve done. I hope you’re happy. 

Mary Gulino
Author: Mary Gulino
Mary is an LA-based writer from New Jersey whose work can be seen online and on TV (unless you count streaming platforms as online, in which case, it's all online). She got glasses when she was two, and would love to talk optometry sometime.