An interview can bring out jitters in the best of us. And also the worst of us. With all your irredeemable flaws, you definitely fall into the latter category. Okay, with 5 minutes to go before this very important meeting, now is the perfect time to run through a catalogue of reasons why you probably shouldn’t get the job. Check out this handy list!
1. You don’t like learning new skills.
When’s the last time you delved into something new? You do the same basic routine every day. Hell, you even refuse to update your iOS because you’re so afraid of change. Everything you like, from your taste in music to your system of organizing your socks, is the exact same way it’s been since you were 13 and first developing a sense of self. Come to think of it, have you ever challenged yourself? Bleak. Okay, it’s time to take a few calming breaths, then commit to never again describing yourself as “adaptable” in these interviews, because clearly that is a lie.
2. You take things super personally.
This is business, yo, not a referendum on you as a human being!!! (And you should be grateful because you’re not exactly stellar on the “human being” front). This self-sabotaging habit of yours is super unhelpful, for so many reasons. Ugh, look at you… your throat is going dry…if you bomb this meeting, you will feel like a personal failure. But you’re about to perform like a failure because you’re so in your own head. Why are you like this? Really, though—why? Delve into this question head-on, right now.
3. One time you a told a joke in really poor taste at a company party.
You 100% run the risk of doing something stupid like that in this upcoming interview. The more you fixate on the possibility of this happening, the more likely it is to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Repeat after me: “I’m the worst.”
4. Everybody hates you, probably.
Should you warn the interviewer about this? It would only be fair, right? Or wait, they’ll figure it out on their own, as soon as they lay eyes on you, at which point they will also inevitably…hate you. Ah, yes. Visualize their hatred.
5. Your hair looks so messy.
It’s not like you didn’t have time to put in effort. You had nothing going on this morning. You simply looked in the mirror and decided you could not be bothered. Soak up the feelings of regret—really feel them, be present with your shame.
6. While we’re being super honest, you’re not really a good team player.
Maybe this can be your new mantra?
Okay, now there are just 30 seconds before your interview starts, so take this time to focus extremely hard on the above list. You got this!