LOS ANGELES: Like most people, 34-year-old Chelsea Brule has had a hell of a year.
“I lost my job, my girlfriend moved out, my skin sucks, I’ve gained weight, I had to put my root canal on a credit card, and you know… all the other universal stuff that everyone’s crying about,” sighed Brule, who was expertly drinking an extremely full glass of wine while lying supine on the floor.
As dismal, sad, and depressing as her situation may factually be, whenever Brule has Zoomed with her parents or caught up with friends, she’s hidden her reality from them. Anytime anyone’s asked about her well being, she’s simply said the magic words, “I’m good!” and actually thought people believed her.
“Mostly because I lied about everything, said my girlfriend was still here, that I was still employed, and actually got a promotion… stuff like that.”
She then toasted the air and downed half of her (can’t stress this enough) VERY full glass of wine.
“They don’t want to know that I’m broke and drunk! Well honestly, the last few times I’ve talked to my parents, they did actually ask if I was drunk. But then I was like ‘no’ and they didn’t say anything else. So I guess that means they believed me?”
Brule now thinks that she’ll retire the magical two-word lie that has been thinly veiling her alcoholism.
“2020 was a year of lying, lies, and sadness. But 2021 will soon be here… and my unemployment will probably run out by then, so I need my ‘rents to know how bad things are so they send me some money.”
Brule then hiccuped and drooled simultaneously.
She then fell asleep in front of me… and I left and cried in my car because this is NOT WHAT I HAD IN MIND WHEN I DECIDED TO BECOME A JOURNALIST!
