Are You an Introvert, Extrovert, or My Elderly Neighbor Larry?

Some say there are only two types of people: introverts and extroverts. Yet, this doesn’t account for a third, incredible option; my elderly neighbor Larry. He’s mysterious, rude, and a little bit disgusting. So finally figure it out: are you an introvert, extrovert, or my elderly neighbor Larry? 

Do you often find yourself avoiding crowds at parties? If you’re shy around groups of strangers or even friends, you may be on the introverted side. Nothing wrong with curling up with a good book, a warm drink, and just you. 

Are you the life of the party? Do people crowd around you to hear your incredible stories and hilarious jokes? If you’re as at home in a crowd as you are entertaining, you might be Team Extrovert. So keep the stories flowing, and save some party for the rest of us!

Do you feed corn on the cob to ravens in our shared backyard? Do you find yourself up at the crack of dawn chasing cats off your fence? Do you knock on my door once a week at minimum to ask if you can borrow a bundt cake pan, even though I keep telling you I don’t have one, and that you should just buy one for yourself, because they’re available at most supermarkets and box stores at an affordable price? If any of these are ticking your boxes, you’ve scored a point for my elderly neighbor Larry. 

When you’re making new friends, do you find you have a hard time introducing yourself? Or is it effortless to strike up a conversation with just about anyone, about anything? Or do you only want to talk about my son selling your collection of baseball cards for you so that you could make a profit if only my lazy bastard son Timothy would help you set up your computer which is actually a typewriter?

Which one of these sounds more like you? Dancing at a club, sitting quietly in a library, or chasing ghosts out of your house with a shotgun? Do you like to meet up with friends in loud bars, spend time with just one or two loved ones for a couple of hours at a time, or do you accuse your pleasant neighbors of stealing your gold and throw rocks at our windows? Does any of this sound familiar? Any of it? Just let me know!

Are you Larry? Are you my elderly neighbor Larry? You legally have to tell me. He keeps showing up at my apartment in different costumes and pretending to be other people. Sometimes he’ll be dressed as a firefighter, and he’ll say there’s been an arsonist in the area, and I need to get out of my house and let him inspect it. Sometimes I fall for it, because I’ve had a few drinks. I don’t need you to judge me. It’s hard out here. Just let me know if you’re Larry, in which case, get the hell out of here.

Callie Webb
Author: Callie Webb
Callie is a comedian, human being, and woman. She has a fondness for George Michael and videos of unlikely animal friendships.