Are You Ugly or Hot? We Asked Tim, a 19-Year-Old From Maryland

The pervasive cultural woes of self doubt and insecurity have plagued womankind for far too long. Am I ugly, or am I hot? We’ve all wondered it, gazing into the weary face in our bathroom mirrors. Fear no more: one man is here to finally put our questions to rest. And that man is Tim, a 19-year-old from Maryland. 

Tim noticed he first had an affinity for deciding if a woman was ugly or hot when he was just fifteen years old. Be it a classmate, a celebrity, or someone in line at the supermarket, Tim just always knew. He started an Instagram account called @hotoruglybytim, a resource which has provided countless women with the truth about their faces and bodies. Tim comments “hot” or “ugly” accordingly under a photo of a woman, unsolicited. It is through this selfless act of service that Tim allows women to finally relax when they know where they stand. 

Born a normal baby, Tim has since blossomed into a perceptive and conscientious young man. While some would balk at the task of unveiling such brutal honesty, Tim never shies away. “I like doing it because if they’re hot, I get to see a hot chick. And if they’re ugly, who even cares?” he confessed over a steaming chicken pot pie his mother made him. 

But it wasn’t always so easy for the wunderkind. When he was in high school, he wasn’t allowed to have a cell phone unless he got a B or higher in Chemistry. It was during this tumultuous time of his youth that Tim began to hone his diagnostic abilities. Riding the bus, he’d decide who was hot and who was ugly. Looking at passersby on the street, he’d decide who was sexy and who was a waste of space. Studying the faces of his classmates, he had a breakthrough. He had to share his gift with the world when he finally earned his phone. And reader? He got a B+ in Chemistry. 

Some critics have pointed out that Tim’s practice is rude, reductive, and sexist. But to this he boldly replied, “Whatever.”

Stick it to the haters, Tim! His journey provides a template for anyone who was ever told their dream couldn’t be a reality. Go to any woman’s public Instagram and you will see proof of his hard work written for all of us to see. So, where does this leave us? Can we finally know if we’re ugly or hot? Yes. But only once Tim lets us know. Women around the globe wait with baited breath, ready to breathe a much needed sigh of relief as they receive closure.

Callie Webb
Author: Callie Webb
Callie is a comedian, human being, and woman. She has a fondness for George Michael and videos of unlikely animal friendships.