How to Make an Asteroid Hitting Earth “Not So Bad”
Businesses in cities across America began boarding up their doors and windows this week in anticipation of a disastrous double event: an asteroid hurtling towards…
A Boyfriend’s Guide To Which Candles Are for Burning and Which Are for Looking
A woman is willing to leave you alone around her things. We are all very proud of you for earning that trust. Let’s make sure…
Last Minute Election Actions to Take (Other Than Screaming Into Your Pillow)
As we all know (and if you don’t, what wild underwater cave are you living in?!) the election is right around the corner (NOVEMBER 3RD,…
Top Gift of 2020, Piñatas! And Other Things You Can Beat With a Stick
The bestselling mailable gift of 2020 is the piñata. Online retailers that fill and ship piñatas across the country have seen their sales explode. In…
Man Who is “Working on Himself” Actually Just Taking Supplements Banned By the UFC
“I promise babe, I’m going to do better! I’ll work on myself! You just need to hang in there and support me while I change.”…
How to Un-Sad Socially Distanced Halloween
This year (2020, IN CASE YOU SOMEHOW FORGOT) just looks a little… different (PANDEMICS, ELECTIONS, A CASE OF MASKNE THAT JUST! WON’T! QUIT!). Halloween is…
A Guide to Dating White Male Comedians
Let’s face it, ladies and them-thlemans: it’s pretty slim pickings when it comes to dating nowadays. With all our favorite watering holes shuttered and the…
Woman’s Left Boob Totally Bringing A-Game Today
Witnesses confirmed that area woman Anna Schulberg’s left breast is in peak physical form today—it appears pert, round, and as though it is simply having…
Local Woman Buys Another Makeup Brush Cleaner That She Will Never Use
A local woman was found scrolling aimlessly through Instagram’s targeted ads, wishing she could be as “cool” as those influencers who get paid to say…
Comedian Stef Dag Brings Humor to 2020 With Weekly Newsletter “This Sucks”
Comedian Stef Dag is taking a look at 2020 and saying what we are all thinking, this sucks. Her weekly newsletter, appropriately named just that,…
