Astrology Isn’t Real? Who Is Responsible for All My Personality Flaws Then?

I’ve seen a lot of hubbub lately surrounding the ancient celestial practice of astrology. Mostly about how it “isn’t real.” Oh yeah? Astrology isn’t real? Then what does that mean for me, that my personality isn’t predestined and immovable? What am I supposed to do with all my flaws? WORK on them? No, honey. If astrology isn’t real, then why am I the way that I am? Because of a complex series of socio, economic, political, and environmental factors? No. It is because of a star, or something. A planet? I don’t actually know. 

Many have tried to change me. My parents. Ex lovers. A LOT of therapists. If they couldn’t get me to change the fundamental pillars of my personality, that means that I’m predestined to be difficult to be around and bad to talk to. Let’s break it down for you non-believers. 

Astrology is the practice of interpreting the character traits and personalities given to us by our placement under the celestial bodies when we’re born. For example, I’ve never had a successful relationship. This is because I am a Taurus. I may be a bad communicator and always convinced that I’m right, but that’s only because my sun sign is ruled by that big bull in the sky. So when you think about it, hating me for that is kind of offensive and discriminatory. Is that the kind of person you want to be? You sound like an Aquarius right now. If you want me to change, you better pray that time reverses and I am born under a more forgiving star sign. Because honey, If I don’t have my star sign, I will be forced to confront the unfortunate truths of my personality. And I don’t want that.

Let’s humor your point and say that my flaws are not predestined by our positions in the universe. What am I gonna do about them? Work on it? Change? Grow? You must have me confused for someone else. My Capricorn moon doesn’t appreciate your attitude, and my Virgo rising would love if you could organize your thoughts better. Thanks. If astrology isn’t real, then why do I believe it? I’m very smart, and I would never believe something that wasn’t true. Astrology HAS to be real, because if it isn’t, who am I? Just some lady? No. That can’t be all I am. That would make me responsible for all my choices and actions, and that simply doesn’t line up with my personal philosophy: NOTHING is my fault. 

Here’s a horoscope for you: Leave me alone, I am crazy and it ISN’T my fault OR my problem. Tell it to the stars, judgy.

Callie Webb
Author: Callie Webb
Callie is a comedian, human being, and woman. She has a fondness for George Michael and videos of unlikely animal friendships.