Author: Kirsten Hernandez
Were You Team Jacob, or Did You Spend Your 20s Dating Emotionally Unstable Men?
The other day my therapist, after discussing my dating life at great length, asked me why a smart young woman like myself was inclined to…
Research Shows Twitter Users With Egg Profile Picture Are 95% More Likely to Ask You for Feet Pics
ATLANTA, GA – In what many have labeled “the real pandemic,” epidemiologists at the Center for Disease Control (CDC) have been getting closer to uncovering…
Dog You Got During Quarantine Has Some Fucking Questions About Why You’re Job Searching Again
Dear Mom, I think it’s time we have a chat. Yeah, I know. You think I don’t notice, but I always do. You are getting…
Choose Your Bumble Meetup Spot and We’ll Tell You How Your Date is Planning on Murdering You
It’s been a while since we’ve all been on dates, hasn’t it? And while we’d love to blame Covid, if we’re being honest with ourselves…
Things You Can Buy With Your $1,400 Stimulus That’ll Make You Say “Damn, I Wish I Was Canadian”
I get it, times are really tough. It seems like everyone nowadays is unemployed and sad, including myself (though, being a comedy writer, this is…
Woman Who Yells “Eat the Rich” Getting Really Into Bridgerton
Just like everyone else these past 12 months, it’s been a weird time for me. Instead of organizing rallies for socialist causes, I’m stuck in…
Shout Out to Santa Claus: The Ultimate Sugar Daddy
In the pursuit of love, everyone knows the best way to get to someone’s heart is through material goods. Many old men try to bribe…
The Just In! The Definitive Rankings of Thanksgiving Side Dishes
Like everything else, this year’s Thanksgiving festivities are going to look a little different. Grandmas throughout the country aren’t inviting us over for dinner because…
Local Woman Wondering if “Gobble Me, Swallow Me” is an Appropriate Thanksgiving Caption
LOS ANGELES, CA – Over the Thanksgiving season, many of us have a lot of hard decisions to make; whether you should make an apple…
How to Pick Out the Perfect Outfit for the Impending Civil War!
Let’s be honest, things are kind of a mess right now. It’s been days since the election and we still have no winner. Nevada seemingly…