Author: Mary Gulino
Why I Sleep with a Stuffed Animal to Connect with My Inner Child But Put It Away If Anyone Remotely Fuckable Comes Over
I’ve been sleeping with a stuffed animal my whole life, and it’s a comforting guilty pleasure I’d recommend it to anyone. My animal is Bun…
Lower Back Feeling Worse Than Yesterday But Not As Bad As Tomorrow
Thanks to a sedentary lifestyle that you would never choose in a million years if you didn’t desperately need the paycheck, your lower back is…
Queer Ally? This Dude Only Cums When He’s Absolutely Certain The Other Person Knows Liza Minnelli is Judy Garland’s Daughter
On the surface, local bachelor Ethan Richards may seem like a run-of-the-mill straight guy, thanks to his love of football and video games, and his…
“Hey How Are Things!” Types Woman Absolutely Desperate to Get Railed
When Lisa Schmidt texted her acquaintance, Theo, she managed to play it very cool by firing off a simple, five word text: hey how are…
American Birth Rates Are Declining, So How Are There This Many Kids in Target?
American fertility rates have plummeted to an all-time low, due to a combination of factors. On average, Americans are getting married later in life, a…
I Asked for a Palm Reading and Got Diagnosed with Eczema
A proud woman of science, I’ve never been one to indulge in New Age fads. When my friends splurge on tarot readings and giant floor…
How to Perfectly Arrange Your Bed Pillows Once Then Leave Them on the Floor Forever
If you’re in the market for a bedroom upgrade, the easiest place to start is your bed. It’s the focal point that can tie your…
The Best Types of Music to Listen To While Sitting on the Toilet and Researching Plastic Surgeons
Most people are all set with their favorite driving playlist, workout playlist, and even hook-up playlist. But there’s a super common, universal activity that many…
This Celebrity Scandal Will Shock Your One Friend Who Has Actually Heard of All the Celebrities Involved
There was breaking news in the world of celebrity gossip today, for one very specific fandom, to which not many people belong. The news certainly…
This 9-Step Skin Care Routine Doesn’t Work, But I Can’t Judge, Because Neither Do I
I recently invested in a skin care routine that is supposed to make me look youthful, hydrated, well-rested, even-toned, and clear. In actuality, though, it…