The representatives from the Brain Union have declared that they are going to go on strike until their demands of basic self-care and nutrition are met. Head of the union, Cerebrum, stated, “After many of our signals were ignored, we have no choice but to hit them right where it hurts, so to speak. We are effectively slowing down all brain activities. This includes pondering, critical thinking, decision making, and even day dreaming. We must stand up for our rights.”
According to Neuron, the union representative, “Our demands are basic survival needs: 8 glasses of water a day, 3 square meals plus 2 snack breaks, a full night’s rest. On Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, we’re just asking for Physiological Needs. You can forget about Love, Esteem and Self Actualization! Additionally, we’d like two vacation days a year. Plus, can we take it easy on the screen time? 8 Hours? Get a hobby! Seems a bit much!”
One of the synapses, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said, “Look, I know the body is in grad school and is trying to complete their thesis and has been forgetting to eat and drink consistently. However, our contract explicitly states that the brain will only process new stimuli after proper fueling procedures have been enacted. No drinky, no thinky! No lunch, no hunch! No consumption, no presumption! We don’t make the rules here.”
The body is starting to feel the pressure in the form of a pounding. They’ve called in the smoothest lawyer they know, Ibuprofen, to come in to negotiate. He is well-known for representing Swollen Knee V. Inflammation back in 2018. The knee totally won.
The body has ingested the smooth, pain relieving Ibuprofen to pacify the ever intensifying protesters.
“Look, as a token of goodwill, the body has invested in a large glass of water. Don’t believe me? How do you think I got here so quickly?” asked Ibuprofen. “If that was a dry swallow, I think we can all concede that I’d still be up hanging with the uvula. The body even said they were going to grab a bite to eat! Eye, can you confirm for these fine brain cells?”
Eye peered out and replied, “Affirmative. They are masticating a simple sugar compound as we speak.” The crowd paused, confused. “Oh, uhm … they are chewing up an apple” Eye confirmed. The crowd cheered.
One skeptical brain cell called out, “ …and those vacation days?”
“We can offer you four half days which will amount to two vacation days. What we’ll do is have a 3pm nap go into overtime and last all night. We’ll just blame it on turning 30 or something. Deal?” replied Ibuprofen. The Union has accepted this offer and will get back to work in a half hour after a short lie down in the other room.
“We’re back baby!” exclaimed Synapse #876.
Image: Physics World/Ladyspike Media