Burning This Scented Candle Makes Up For the Fact That I Haven’t Showered in Two Days

It’s COVID-19. None of us are acting the way we once did, it’s just plain fact. Your sister is drinking wine out of her daughter’s sippy cups, your dad is mowing the lawn every day just to have something to do, and your ex-boyfriend is sending you pretty aggressive haikus on the daily, a fact you don’t have time to unpack right now. You just don’t. 

And you? You’re mindlessly (re)watching every season of Real Housewives, attempting to knit crotch-less panties (yes, knit), and putting on Halloween ghoul makeup…for no reason. You’re struggling to say the least, but you’re keeping a positive spirit! The only problem? Your sense of personal care has…let’s just say, flown out the window. You used to be one hundred percent that bitch who showered every morning, did her hair and makeup, gave herself pedicures, the works. Now your roommates are lucky if you shower twice a week. 

And now, it’s been two days since you’ve showered, nearly three. You can low key smell yourself, but the laziness factor went up a thousand notches during quarantine, and now you can’t shake it. 

But then you look over at your nightstand. That vanilla-lavender candle your Mom bought you is just sitting there, desperate to be burned. And like, it’s fancy, right? Maybe that level of fancy will make up for the fact that your personal hygiene has gone out the window. You rush towards it, pull out your lighter, and light that SOB. 

The scent starts to fill the room. All of a sudden, you’re feeling lighter, more hopeful, and you’re starting to forget the fact that your deodorant from 48 plus hours ago has most definitely worn off. Maybe this is the secret to it all—to life! Maybe you can get away with this for another 48 hours. Okay, maybe that’s pushing it. But damn, do you feel good. It’s as if your own natural body odor disappeared into the universe, never to come back again. Maybe that’s dramatic, but it just feels right. I guess it’s time to pick up a few more scented candles on your errands trip tomorrow…maybe a pumpkin spice one is up next?

Anna Snapp
Author: Anna Snapp
Anna is a Brooklyn-based actor and writer, trying to figure which is more important to her: taking down the men on dating apps who refer to themselves as "humble", or watching enough terrible reality TV to officially lessen her value. Anna believes in progressive politics, Dua Lipa, and mediocre boxes of Sauvignon Blanc.