Category: NEWS

Posted in NEWS

Cops Breaking Up Rowdy Coven Meeting Tazed by Moon

Cincinnati police officers Neil McMickmick and Patrick O’Coppypock were released from University Hospital Wednesday after suffering critical tazing injuries that both claim were inflicted by…

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Posted in LIFESTYLE NEWS

Local Woman’s Internal Scream Sounding Better Every Day

Lydia woke up in her apartment on a chilly, autumn morning with an extremely sore throat. While, Covid forced her to physically isolate, politics forced…

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Posted in NEWS

Corn Maze Voted Best Place to Cry this Fall

As the seasons change, so should your crying spots. Growing weary of sobbing inside her own house, mommy blogger Chelsea Smith reached out to her…

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Posted in LIFESTYLE NEWS

Woman Invents Sheet Mask That Makes Your Face Tasty for Your Cats When You Die

We recently got our hands on an exclusive excerpt, from an exclusive interview, with an exclusively rising star in the Posthumus-skin care world in this…

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Posted in LOVE NEWS

Wedding Without Punny Hashtag Deemed Illegal

Lily and Violet MacQuoid were shocked when they opened their door to find an agent from the Federal Beardeau of Hipster Investigations. They had recently…

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Posted in NEWS POLITICS

Feminist Attorney Sues God For Grand Theft Ginsburg

In a controversial press conference held Saturday afternoon, celebrity feminist attorney to, and mostly against, the stars Gloria Allred announced that she has filed suit…

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Posted in FOOD NEWS

SEASONALLY HEARTBREAKING! Woman Diagnosed With Pumpkin Spice Intolerance

When she got the call from her doctor, 23 year-old Boston College grad student Cayte Crenshaw fainted in the middle of the Starbucks line.  “I…

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Posted in NEWS POLITICS

THE AMERICAN DREAM: Next Stimulus Package to Include Starbucks Gift Card and Free Tent

As the Covid crisis continues to take its financial toll on the nation, lawmakers gathered Wednesday to pass a new economic stimulus package designed to…

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Posted in EW MEN LIFESTYLE NEWS

Local Groomzilla Devastated About Postponed Wedding After He Booked Only the Band

Local man Andre Vespo is in a state of disbelief after his wedding was postponed, due to the virus. “I had to stop playing my…

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Posted in NEWS

Coronavirus Overstays Its Welcome Crashing On America’s Couch

America here. I’m in a bit of a pickle. Long story short, I got involved with this virus who insisted he just needed a place…

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