Category: NEWS
How to Make an Asteroid Hitting Earth “Not So Bad”
Businesses in cities across America began boarding up their doors and windows this week in anticipation of a disastrous double event: an asteroid hurtling towards…
Last Minute Election Actions to Take (Other Than Screaming Into Your Pillow)
As we all know (and if you don’t, what wild underwater cave are you living in?!) the election is right around the corner (NOVEMBER 3RD,…
Rescue Kitten Murders Entire Family, Still Cute
An adorable white Persian kitten named Snowball has now been linked to an infamous cold case murder in 2018. Snowball, age 3, was adopted from…
Cops Breaking Up Rowdy Coven Meeting Tazed by Moon
Cincinnati police officers Neil McMickmick and Patrick O’Coppypock were released from University Hospital Wednesday after suffering critical tazing injuries that both claim were inflicted by…
Local Woman’s Internal Scream Sounding Better Every Day
Lydia woke up in her apartment on a chilly, autumn morning with an extremely sore throat. While, Covid forced her to physically isolate, politics forced…
Corn Maze Voted Best Place to Cry this Fall
As the seasons change, so should your crying spots. Growing weary of sobbing inside her own house, mommy blogger Chelsea Smith reached out to her…
Woman Invents Sheet Mask That Makes Your Face Tasty for Your Cats When You Die
We recently got our hands on an exclusive excerpt, from an exclusive interview, with an exclusively rising star in the Posthumus-skin care world in this…
Wedding Without Punny Hashtag Deemed Illegal
Lily and Violet MacQuoid were shocked when they opened their door to find an agent from the Federal Beardeau of Hipster Investigations. They had recently…
Feminist Attorney Sues God For Grand Theft Ginsburg
In a controversial press conference held Saturday afternoon, celebrity feminist attorney to, and mostly against, the stars Gloria Allred announced that she has filed suit…
SEASONALLY HEARTBREAKING! Woman Diagnosed With Pumpkin Spice Intolerance
When she got the call from her doctor, 23 year-old Boston College grad student Cayte Crenshaw fainted in the middle of the Starbucks line. “I…