Category: NEWS
9/10 Dentist Agree: Brushing Your Teeth To the Power Rangers Song is Cool as Hell
Candles flicker and drills whir. Gurgles and spits of ages past, present, and future echo through chambers filled with reclining chairs and old magazines. A…
How to Survive as a Poor Person (Written By a Very Rich Person)
I’ve been hearing many things about a rising cost of living and it breaks my heart that people are struggling. So, I wanted to give…
Man in His 30s Devastated to Discover Actions Have Consequences
Weeps and wails echoed through the petite Maine suburb streets. Concerned residents of Boystown peeked out of their windows, half-hidden behind their drapes, searching for…
Tesla Makes Apologists’ Dreams Come True With New In-Car “Sorry Switch”
Have you ever made an error or five behind the wheel? Of course you have. A revolutionary study from the McAuliffe Institute concludes that there…
Woman’s Growling Stomach Gets More Floor Time in Meeting Than She Does
When Jodie raised her hand to chime in at the budgeting meeting yesterday, it was no surprise that her comments were interrupted so the all-male…
Nintendo Confirms Yoshi Has No Asshole
Nintendo has finally put to rest one of the most hotly debated topics in all of gaming history. For 28 years, fans typed furious forum…
Carrying Mace May Decrease the Odds of a Surprise Party, New Study Says
Middle children and attention seeking adults everywhere long for the day where all of their friends blow them off, in the hopes that maybe, just…
This American Girl Doll Comes with Her Very Own Tiny Bong
Julie, the beloved American Girl doll and Woodstock devotee, will now come packaged with a doll-sized bong. “It’s important that we here at American Girl…
10/10 Moms Agree Your Minor Cough Definitely Got Them Sick
If you sneeze and your mom isn’t around to hear it, will you still be blamed for getting her sick? Every day, millions of Americans…
Wikipedia Adds “Problematic Shit” Section to All Celebrity Bios
In the age of cancel culture and the #MeToo movement, it can be hard to keep track of which celebrities you’re allowed to like on…