Confusing! Woman Who Has Only Ever Lived in Connecticut Now Sprinkling “Y’all” Into Facebook Posts

Hm, this is weird…a woman you went to high school with, who has only ever lived in Connecticut, is now sprinkling the word “y’all” into every single one of her Facebook posts. It’s anyone’s guess what this could mean, but the results are startling and thought-provoking. 

We recently caught up with your best friend from high school, who had a lot to say on the matter. “I don’t know what’s going on with her. She’s always posting about how “well she’s doing” and using the nail painting emoji in a condescending way. And now she’s adopting new speech patterns? Seemingly for no reason? I hate her. She’s from Danbury.” 

We recently scrolled through the woman in question’s Instagram account. While most posts were captioned with emojis indicating she feels that she’s better than the rest of us, many “but y’all ain’t ready for that conversation!”s were sprinkled throughout selfies and pictures of scones she made in her mom’s bigass kitchen. And you just know she never cleans that kitchen herself. What conversation? Who are you? Who wrote this? I’m confused, and I’m scared. Who exactly does this woman think she is? 

I’m not one to criticize a woman trying to reinvent herself. I’ve been known to try on a hat and accidentally invent a whole new personality and backstory for myself all in the span of 30 seconds. But I’m not on trial here. We’re talking about some smug bastardess from your high school whose every waking action annoys you. 

There’s nothing wrong with saying “Y’ALL.” It is, perhaps, one of the most genius words in the English language. I have great affection for it and the people who say it. They are awesome. But let us just acknowledge that it’s strange to abandon your hideous New England/New York Metropolitan linguistic roots and pivot to something new entirely. You were raised calling every amount of people “you guys,” not throwing in a “y’all” because you like when people say it on Twitter. Have some respect for your upbringing, and for the people who hated being brought up with you. 

Does any of this matter? No. Do I think it’s weird enough to write about it? Yes. Am I perhaps just mad because I don’t like the people I’m writing it about? Yeah, sure. But guess what else? It’s always the WASPiest folks around who make fun of anyone who is different from them. Then after they attend an expensive college, they love to say words they’ve never said before and pretend that they always have, and I’m up to here with it. I gotta lie down. See y’all later.

Callie Webb
Author: Callie Webb
Callie is a comedian, human being, and woman. She has a fondness for George Michael and videos of unlikely animal friendships.