Conservative Cousin Will Have to “Pray on That”

Bethany Ann Beth-Anne Annabeth Smith, a lifelong conservative and professional cousin, has announced plans to “pray on that,” in response to literally every issue she has ever been faced with.

“Abortion rights? Hmm, I’ll have to pray on that,” said Smith, who was wearing an all-brown outfit with three scarves, “On the one hand, my church believes abortion is an unforgiveable sin, and I’ve spent years protesting outside clinics and harassing people about it. On the other hand, I would absolutely get one if I got pregnant. Yep, I’ll definitely have to pray on that.”

This is a familiar pattern of behavior for Smith, who has previously had to pray on issues including violent video games, sexualized video games, regular video games, and whether gay people should be put to death.

“Someone asked me how I feel about gender neutral bathrooms,” said Smith, ordering a plate of nachos, extra mild, “It feels a bit too liberal for my liking. But then again, I’ve always thought that little bathroom sign lady was far too sexualized. That’s one to pray on, for sure.”

“Oh, it’s a dollar extra for guac?” Smith added, “Hmm. I think I’m gonna have to pray on that one.”

Smith has already faced criticism for her behavior in the past, with some people calling her cowardly, and alleging that she uses “praying on that” as an excuse to get out of answering difficult questions. In response, Smith said that she would pray for them.

“Of course I have my own deeply held beliefs,” said Smith, “What are they? Um. Let me pray on that, and I’ll get back to you.”

Audrey Clark
Author: Audrey Clark
Audrey Clark is an actress, comedienne, and the girl version of a writer. She loves her dog and money.