One thing I have learned in this pandemic is that I love not going to the store. I do feel guilty that in order to keep myself safe someone else has to do my shopping for me, so to make myself feel better about that I tip a lot. Like, a lot. And I tell myself that by not going to the store I avoid all the impulse buying I usually do. All those special offers that are not all that special, but hey who can pass up on four boxes of donuts? My Instacart shopper, that’s who.
Thing is, I am not super keen on vegetables. But I always feel my Instacart shopping list should reflect a healthy balance of all the food groups so that my Instacart shopper does not think I am unhealthy. It’s bad enough they are out there risking their well-being so I can stay home, I’d hate to think that they feel they are doing that for a slob.
And so I order lettuce, that I may or may not eat. OK… I rarely eat it, but it makes me feel better to know that I could if I wanted to. I order low-fat organic probiotic yogurt, to show I do understand that dairy can be beneficial as well as delicious – the latter evidenced by the four tubs of Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie I have on repeat order. I also try not to order too much alcohol. I mean, I try. Who is to say what is “too much?”
It’s a pandemic. I watch a lot of Netflix. When I watch Netflix I like to have a little drink – what else could the “and chill” refer to? I don’t think 5 bottles of wine in a weekly shopping cart is unreasonable. I usually get a few extras, just in case. But then if you buy 11 you get the 12th free – it would be sinful to pass up a bargain like that.
Is that too much for one person? What is the Instacarter going to think of that? What if they report me? Oh – but wait. They do not know I live alone. Those 12 bottles could be for 4 people. That would make perfect sense. That would also explain the 4 tubs of ice cream. Yes! I have nothing to worry about. And what else do 4 young, healthy, robust people need? A box of donuts each. Done and ordered.
