In a controversial press conference held Saturday afternoon, celebrity feminist attorney to, and mostly against, the stars Gloria Allred announced that she has filed suit in LA probate court against God, on charges of Grand Theft Ginsburg.
“What people don’t understand is, He’s done this before,” explained Allred, when reached for comment during a hot hyena yoga session in Reno. “If he can do it to Ruth, he can do it to anyone. This is why I took this case.”
Allred, looking both elegant and apt in an all-red Marc Jacobs suit, said to the hordes of press gathered this morning around the Lincoln Memorial, “If this motherf&*#^r thinks he can f^&$ with me AND the ‘Burg?! Whew boy! He’s got another f#&*@*#&* thing coming!”
The high-profile lawsuit, which comes tightly on the tails of Ginsburg’s untimely demise, alleges, among other things, that God chose Ginsburg to steal because, quote “it was just her time.”
Allred countered, “What a convenient excuse. This guy is a professional sociopath — what with His plague and the murder hornets and the wildfires and earthquakes. But there were so many witnesses to Him CLEARLY stealing my client. Everyone saw it. Everyone was there. This is a man who chooses his victims precisely BECAUSE they can’t speak. And it’s high time someone showed His ass where his balls are. I don’t even know what that means. But it sounds intimidating.”
When asked how she plans to appear before God in court, Allred simply revved the engine of her bright red Lamborghini Huracan convertible and replied, “Have you ever seen the end of Grease?”
For her part, Allred seems staunchly committed to the case.
“I don’t care if this has to go appellate. I’ll fight it all the way. Hell, I’ll even take this thing to the Supreme Court. Ruthie would have wanted that.”