“Hot Girl Summer is Coming,” Says Woman Who Hasn’t Moved From Her Couch in a Year

“Hot Girl Summer is Coming," Says Woman Who Hasn’t Moved From Her Couch in a Year

Well, would ya look at that? Isn’t it just the consequences of our actions, am I right? This damn pandemic is getting the best of us—and it’s already been over a year. Some of us have taken the reckless road: taking advantage of cheap plane tickets every chance we get and going to big indoor parties, and some of us, have well, just…sat…on the couch…for a long damn time. And that’s okay, no judgment, I’ll even pass you the wine. It’s just…you’re giving me mixed signals, girl.

You say, “hot girl summer is coming,” but you haven’t whipped out the sundresses yet, let alone moved an inch off that seat since March 2020. Take your time, no pressure, but the latest I’ve heard is that #HotGirlSummer involves leaving the house, looking fly, and potentially, dare I say, embracing your hotness?! Why do I have this feeling that you aren’t looking the hottest you could? Is it the ripped sweatpants, the look of pure disdain, or the Cheeto crumbs between your breasts that fell while snacking during an all-day Marvel marathon? You decide. 

Whatever it is, something’s gotta change, girl. It’s 2021, we are all looking very much forward to a summer different from 2020s, and if you want to make the most of it, it’s time to slowly put down the remote and turn on the shower water, preferably set to very hot, as I’m assuming bathing hasn’t been a regular occurrence for you either. Again, no judgment.

But, my queen, my empress, my absolute diva extraordinaire: it is time. Time to unleash your inner Lizzo, have some drinks, meet some boys, and be a little reckless. (And by reckless, I don’t mean splurging for the large pizza to eat while watching The Bachelor, I mean reckless-reckless.) You’ve got this. You really do.

Anna Snapp
Author: Anna Snapp
Anna is a Brooklyn-based actor and writer, trying to figure which is more important to her: taking down the men on dating apps who refer to themselves as "humble", or watching enough terrible reality TV to officially lessen her value. Anna believes in progressive politics, Dua Lipa, and mediocre boxes of Sauvignon Blanc.