Before the pandemic, I used to be the life of the party. I used to frolic at gatherings and play hostess at dinner parties that would make Emily Post worship at my feet. I used to like being around large groups of people. I used to feel like I gained my energy from being around people, not just anxiety and respiratory disease.
All of this changed in the course of the last year. I feel like I have become an agoraphobe, cowering behind my dark curtains like a Victorian widow watching people walking by with their masks halfway down their faces. Those fools!
Ironically, I’m also claustrophobic so I’m basically in the middle of an identity crisis with no end in sight! I’m not necessarily Howard Hughes-ing it… not yet, anyway. But in the age we’re in, where everything can be delivered to your door, I do not have to interact with a person for months. And besides, my toilet works just fine.
It does get a little lonely, I must admit. Video chats are okay but I find it’s exhausting pretending to be interested in other people for hours on end, while also avoiding standing up because you have no pants on. It’s also really hard to not pick your nose… is what I’ve seen… from other people…
I tried being a plant mom for a little bit but it turned out to be harder than I thought. I was able to keep them alive well enough, but Genevieve, the orchid, wasn’t a very good listener, and Pixy, the succulent was mean a lot of the time. The things she told Genevieve behind my back!
I decided to adopt a cat; Sir Furgus. He’s very distinguished and regal. He tolerates me more than PIxy. His keeps his distance, up to 6 ft a lot of the time. I like that we are both respectful of our own private quality time. His obsession with showing me his butthole is a little disturbing. However, I really enjoy his night operas when I’m up anyway because of my insomnia. I’m not allowed in the bathroom though, so I might have to start storing my pee in glass milk bottles.
All in all, I have found that I prefer Sir Furgus to humans because he also is not very outgoing and dislikes humans. I think he and I can really grow old together in our little apartment and give each other the minimal required attention that will prevent us from pulling our hair/fur out. I think I can officially say that I am no longer an extrovert. Who wants to be the fun one at the laundromat anyway?
