In Defence of Scorpios (Written by a Scorpio)

Dear Scorpio, 

Hi, rockstar. Hope you’re enjoying your birthday season, though your focus is probably more on exposing conspiracy theories, oversharing on Facetimes, and sighing “the veil is thin” when strangers ask how your day is going. 

I see you. I am you. (Born October 29th, hunni!) 

It’s not easy to be the sassy Arachnidas of the zodiac. And let me say, you don’t deserve some of the nasty things being said about you (Like, say, that you’re revengeful, devious, and always ready for a fight. Simply untrue! Just… don’t say it again…). 

Here are some ways my beloved Scopios shine. 

Examining art. Watch a movie with a Scorp and they will not only tell you exactly what they think of it, but by the time you’ve washed your hands from popcorn grease they know the director’s entire oeuvre, what the symbolism of the red balloon meant, and all the dark on-set drama that happened behind the scenes. 

Doling out advice. Look- you want coddling? Hug a Cancer. You want truth? Ask a Scorpio. 

Uncovering a mystery. Need someone to find out exactly what an ex is up to and into without leaving any footprints, cyber or otherwise? Scorpios got you. And they won’t “like” an Instagram post by accident, either (ahem, Libra). 

Tackling a project. Want to tackle paella, making a snow fort, building an Ikea bookshelf blindfolded (Disclaimer: don’t do this). Find you a friend born between October 23rd and November 22nd and you’re well on your way). This sign is the grittiest, most determined, and has the passion to see any project through. And speaking of passion … 

Shenanigans (of the NSFW variety). Ever kissed a Scorpio? Please. Do. (Unless you’re married or in a relationship with a NON Scorpio. We do NOT like disloyalty so just don’t go there! I won’t say much else other than if you know… then you know. 

And aside from all the kissing and art and mystery, Scorpios make really good friends (for LIFE). So Scorpio- enjoy your month, your sauciness, and your next trip around the sun- you’ve certainly earned it. 


A Scorpio

Susan-Kate Heaney (Los Angeles, CA) @sue_kate Susan-Kate Heaney is an actor (Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, The Mindy Project, Masters of Sex), writer (multiple one-woman shows, webseries, movies) and new mom (Clover). She loves comedy and performs live often (improv, stand-up, sketch). She is the host of a podcast called "The Quirks" and spoiler alert... she has many of them. ​