“Keep the Drama on the Stage” Declares Your Toxic Roommate

We’ve all been there. We’ve all lived with the epitome of toxic, the Regina George, the girl who preaches about not being passive aggressive, but in reality, is the most passive aggressive person you’ve ever met. She’ll send shady group texts to you and your other roommates about that single dish in the sink, but refuses to confront you in person, she sighs heavily when you do something she doesn’t approve of, and she sometimes just straight up ignores you. Well isn’t that just dandy, she’s older than you but acts like you’re back in high school. Let’s not revisit that era—bad eyebrows, low rise jeans, and a lot of drama. No thank you.

And then one day, she says it. The saying we all low key despise: “Keep the drama on the stage.”

Oh em gee, y’all, she did it. She officially self-labeled as a hypocrite. But you don’t have the willpower to fight her on it. You stare blankly at her, waiting for her to tell you that you’ve been punk’d (oh my god, remember that?) But she’s dead serious. No, like, for real. Doesn’t blink, doesn’t even crack a smile. LOL ladies, she’s not fooling around. Maybe you should just keep your mouth shut and let her live in her own delusional world. But it’s killing you inside. You just want to scream that she’s a fugly slut, but you know you’re above that. I mean, oh well, at least there’s only two months left on the lease. Two months…eight weeks…fifty-six days to deal with her nonsense. Breathe. You’ve got this. 

Anna Snapp
Author: Anna Snapp
Anna is a Brooklyn-based actor and writer, trying to figure which is more important to her: taking down the men on dating apps who refer to themselves as "humble", or watching enough terrible reality TV to officially lessen her value. Anna believes in progressive politics, Dua Lipa, and mediocre boxes of Sauvignon Blanc.