Workaholic. Busy Bee. Workhorse. I love being able to do it all. Besides, it’s not that much, really. I just work a full-time job, teach spin class, and run an Etsy shop selling refurbished vintage appliances. Plus a few clubs: Bird Watching Club, Geology Club, Book Club, Baking Club, Aquasize, Justin Timberlake’s Unofficial Fan Club, and Fife and Drum Corps. Well, at least I used to have all this. Lately it’s been tough to recapture that familiar feeling of continuously working without stopping for pesky things like sleep and food. *Sigh* What I wouldn’t give to push myself so hard that I develop that stress ulcer again. It’s more of a badge of hard work, you know?
Last week, my whole department was laid off. I left my office holding my box of desk chotchkies in a daze. How might I spend 40 hours each week now? How am I going to squeeze every last bit out of each day until I pass out from total exhaustion? My hobbies all moved online and barely made a dent in my “free time.” Ugh…I hate that term! I much prefer “Currently Unscheduled Time.” We don’t want to jinx it.
As I ponder, I stand in front of my calendar. I daydream about once again living life with a full and grotesquely packed schedule. Think happy thoughts! Okay, it’s Monday so I’d be working late, walking my boss’ dalmatians, then biking over to my Aquasize where Ethel will yell that water shoes are mandatory at any unsuspecting newbies. She hates feet. After that, I’d do sunset yoga on the balcony, cook an elaborate five course meal for one, take a shower, refurbish a vintage toaster and fall asleep reading a chapter of this book my boss gave me called Why Not Do It All? Those were the days, huh?
I’m really struggling to overdo it lately. It’s like I’m slipping. My stress ulcer even healed. I kinda miss her actually. I even had a name for her and everything: Shelby. I think I’m starting to lose my edge a bit. The other day, I spent the afternoon doing a puzzle. The other day, I actually went on a leisurely stroll. No destination or mission. I didn’t even bring my phone so I could multitask by listening to a book on tape. I don’t even know who I am anymore. Now I do things like sip coffee as I read the paper. I haven’t had the luxury of sipping anything in decades! Soup, hot cocoa, coffee; My tastebuds are scorched at this point.
This time has been quite a struggle for me, but I have hope that I will find a job where I can work my butt off again. I’m on the job hunt so cross my fingers I can overload myself at my next place of employment!