Local Lesbian Faces Identity Crisis After Fantasizing About Lord Hastings From Bridgerton

I understand these days things are fluid. Everyone is a little bit queer, a little bit pan. Literally, everyone has some feels for Kristen Stewart. Every woman I have ever dated has had the hots for Ricky Martin. Ok, he’s a super sexy queer icon. No problema! I don’t feel threatened by that. 

I have always thought of myself as very clearly on one side of the sexuality spectrum. Even Harry Styles is a bit too masculine for me. I am just not into men. People ask me what I like most about being a lesbian. Umm hello? Have you met women? 

I thought I had it all figured out and was very comfortable with that. Enjoy the broad lay of the spectrum, people, I will stay here in my lesbian lair.

Then I started watching Bridgerton on Netflix. If you haven’t watched it yet: A.) you’re probably one of these people that has Amazon Prime and B.) If you want to see sex on your screen other than on Pornhub – watch this.

The character of Simon Bassett, aka Lord Hastings is simply divine. He is so smouldering, so unavailable, so damn hot – OMG what is happening to me? I really don’t feel that at my grand age of – well, let’s just say I am on the wrong side of 21 – we don’t have to discuss how wrong. I am basically in my absurdly late twenties. I have been comfortable with myself for many years. And now, this faux aristocrat, this duke whatever, has me pretty much licking my laptop screen – gross. Don’t do that by the way. It’s unsettling how much dust accumulates on a screen. But I digress from this confessional much as I appear to have digressed from my position as a 100% confirmed ladies’ lady. 

I don’t know if it is his devastatingly good looks, his complete inability to be honest about his emotions (don’t judge – we all have daddy issues), or the way he very nonchalantly explains to Daphne how to pleasure herself (not, I must confess, the most believable part of the show, though the scene in which she then goes to try it out is worth watching a few times…) that make him so appealing to me. At least he is into showing women how to have a good time, so we have that in common. All is not lost. And I’ll make sure to dust my laptop more often from now on. 

Image: Page Six

Lalita Dee
Author: Lalita Dee
Lalita Dee is a writer and comedian originally from Amsterdam. Her observational and narrative humor describes her queer experiences as she navigates her way through the US, the heteropatriarchy, and single motherhood. Her humor has been described as “intelligently hilarious” as well as “some feminist BS."