“Maybe This Can be One of Your Christmas Presents” Says Your Mom About Shoes and Also Your Government About Healthcare

Anyone who has celebrated a gift-giving holiday with their parents and asked for something within a month of that day understands: “Maybe that can be part of your (insert holiday here) present.”

This year, both your mother and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnel have been quoted using this exact phrase: maybe it can be part of your Christmas present. Your mom was referencing a pair of boots you pointed out at DSW. Senate Majority Leader McConnell was referencing you having your own healthcare. Both your mother and Senator McConnell coyly glanced over their shoulders as they said it, but for very different reasons. Seasons greetings!

While you very well may find a pair of boots in your future, depending on how well things are going for your Mom, the Senator’s promise is less likely to end in you getting what you want. As Christmas fast approaches and we rocket through the holiday season, your mom is going all out to make this horrible year just a little brighter with thoughtful gifts and seasonal hand towels in the kitchen. Senator McConnel rubs his purpling hands together with glee, as much glee as he can physically experience, and teases the idea of you not having to leech off of your parents or desperately avoid medical treatment for lack of funds. 

“Well, perhaps if America can find a way to make socialized medicine American and not communist, it can be part of your Christmas.” At this point, you’d settle for a measly stimulus check. But unfortunately, as McConnell has pointed out, ‘Those are for good girls and boys. We’ll see what Santy Clause brings you this year, little one! Maybe you’ll find some coal in your stocking, dear. We do have to keep the coal industry alive, as we know.” No!

When you reached out to the local government for information, they responded to your desperate email with a shrug emoji and a sad face. That’s closer to saying yes than they’ve ever gotten before! Nancy Pelosi was unable for comment, as she was busy picking out pantsuits. 

Your mom has adopted a similar attitude. “Well, money is tough. So… if you break your arm or get covid or fall into a coma, I can probably get you into my healing Reiki group. We meet outside in the park. Jill is bringing snickerdoodles! Maybe that can be part of your Christmas present, too.”

Regardless of whether or not America embraces healthcare as a fundamental human right or continues to treat it like name-brand snacks you just can’t afford right now, it will surely be a holiday season to remember!

Callie Webb
Author: Callie Webb
Callie is a comedian, human being, and woman. She has a fondness for George Michael and videos of unlikely animal friendships.