My mom bought me a gratitude journal for Christmas. Supes subtle, Mom, THANKS. But a month into quarantine, I’ve decided to actually use it.
Because a massive amount of free time is best spent trying to imitate Oprah. And, truth be told, I need to give my eyes a break from my ninth day of binging Real Housewives. So I’m going to be be briefly grateful while I allow this sheet mask to suck last night’s rosé out of my pores.
Here it goes, bitches!
1.) That Target is still open.
2.) That I already had ombre hair when this all started.
3.) That my hard, paleo-pellet-poops don’t require much toilet paper.
4.) That I used a bath bomb with a surprise amethyst hidden inside of it. I really appreciate a good self-care-twofer in these dark times.
5.) That I didn’t Marie Condo away half of my leggings in February.
7.) That I can have both White Claw AND La Croix delivered to my doorstep.
16.) That I have a scented candle that smells like outside. Because now that outside is forbidden, I just want to huff that candle ’til it burns off the facial hair I usually have professionally removed.
8.) That I gave up the nail salon and switched to press-ons a few months ago when I suspected my nail tech of judging me.
10.) That I have slipper boots that look like Uggs.
11.) That I still have five avocados left.
14.) That I finally have the time and space to realize I hate all my friends.
15.) That my face actually looks better when I cover it with a scarf.
Aw, gratitude is so cute. I loved that for me! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to watching rich women complain about literally everything.