How Many Hair Products Do I Need To Use to Convince Myself I’m Not Unemployed?


It’s the world of COVID-19, and all we want to do is COVID-WhineTeen. We’ve been laid off from our jobs, and it’s basically impossible to find a new one when our economy is crashing…or rather has already crashed, just like your parents’ car you drove your senior year of high school to the homecoming football game. Let’s just say, that didn’t end so well. 

So how in the hell are we supposed to feel good about ourselves, when our entire day is watching Netflix, scrolling through the ‘gram, and swiping through good ol’ Tinder? There must be a way to feel like we’re making an impact on the world, and not just wasting away on the couch. Breathe, ladies, breathe.

I think we can all agree that putting a little effort into our appearance during a pandemic feels harder than getting yourself to the gym, but sometimes it feels damn good. Even just a little mascara makes you feel like a new woman. Too bad no one is there to see how much #strength you have for overcoming your quarantine laziness and taking a small but important step towards looking glam. 

And then there’s that one day; you get out of the shower, and you think to yourself, “Hmm..maybe a little mousse in my hair wouldn’t look half bad.” And for a split second, you emerge from your unemployment depression, look in the mirror, and feel just an ounce better. That same feeling as when you order Pad Thai and watch shitty reality television, am I right? 

So, what’s the deal? How many of these fruity hair products will make me feel like a real human again? That’s a tough one…but let’s just say, at this point, probably seventeen.

Image: The Gryphon

Anna Snapp
Author: Anna Snapp
Anna is a Brooklyn-based actor and writer, trying to figure which is more important to her: taking down the men on dating apps who refer to themselves as "humble", or watching enough terrible reality TV to officially lessen her value. Anna believes in progressive politics, Dua Lipa, and mediocre boxes of Sauvignon Blanc.