An important part of your everyday is making sure your life looks more fabulous and adventurous than your friends on Instagram, because apparently that’s how we measure self- worth now. FOMO has become an anxiety disorder, and it’s one you want to inflict on your loved ones too. Only problem is, you are thousands of dollars in debt because the economy is horrible, and the job you spent thousands of dollars in college tuition to qualify for is not even enough to cover your rent and edible food. But don’t fret! I have a few barely manageable and time-consuming ways to make your life look a lot less tragic than it is. It involves a lot of staged selfies and very little shame, so buckle up buttercup!
1. See that woman of your same stature that is holding a really expensive purse? Ask her if you can take a selfie with it. Careful to not look conspicuous, she might call the police thinking you’re a purse snatcher. The same can be accomplished with shoes and/or boyfriends, but you might get more push back.
2. Don’t have a cute pet? Ask to walk/feed your seemingly more put together neighbor’s pet. Do this once a week between your two freelance jobs until people believe it’s yours! Pro Tip: Do not follow your neighbor on Instagram!
3. Learn how to do a handstand from a Youtube tutorial, and UberPool to a beach. Trust me, this is important.
4. Take a selfie with a celebratory donut, or (insert cheaply to obtain desert here), in honor of your job promotion! Yay! Literally no one is going to call you out on this, and there’s no way of checking. And you get to have a donut!
5. Bank account getting you down about brunch? Watch a 2 minute video on how to make a passible eggs benedict, fill a champagne flute with orange juice, place a plant in frame and BOOM you got your Sunday Funday post!
6. No money or time for travel because you have to work yourself to death to crawl out of your debt? All you have to do is find a leafy park, body of water or poster of Paris on your lunch break. Simply ask a kind stranger to take a picture of you, hands outstretched, back to the camera, head up proud. Arms must alway be outstretched for it to count. Don’t forget to disable your global tagging! There is also a clever trick with using a white milk bottle handle against a blue sky to simulate an airplane window. Google it!
7. Take a selfie with your face next to a full glass of wine with #IDeserveThis. This is hard work. Just do it! Wear sunglasses even if you’re inside, it makes you seem cool and important…or blind.
8. No money to go out on the town? Not a problem! Everyone knows that the most important thing about a night out is the pre-game photo. Brush your hair, slap on some lipstick, and put on the dress you “borrowed” from H&M to take your “TGIF” mirror selfie. Make sure you return the dress to H&M be for the charge clears on your card, or else your next credit card statement is going to be sad.
9. Apartment a little drab? Grab a bunch of outfits and head to a trendy furniture storm. Boom! You’ve got endless options for your very own “My-apartment-is better-than-your-apartment” photoshoot. You might have to buy a lamp so that they don’t kick you out, but trust me, worth it.
10. Literally posting anything with #Blessed. It could be a well-lit apple. You got this! You’re blessed!
Image: Shutterstock/The Atlantic