Local Woman Enters Rigorous Training Program to Prepare Comebacks For “Next Time”

A local woman is mentally preparing day and night for a confrontation with a coworker that may never happen.

Melanie Griffith, no relation to the Hollywood actress, was snubbed by a co-worker she always disliked. The incident happened late last Thursday outside of the break room. Since then, a rigorous comeback training has begun. The training includes staying up all night re-running the snub in her head and then fantasizing different phrases or gestures that would redeem her ego. While most of her potential comebacks are strictly verbal insults, in one fantasy, she takes it beyond words and approaches her boss.

“I only want to use that play as a last resort, because it’s a very tricky tactic…mostly because he doesn’t care and they may even be sleeping together,” she said.

In another extreme fantasy, she chokes her. “I would need bigger hands though,” Melanie told reporters.

The coworker failed to be reached for comment, but after further investigation our team found a tweet that was posted near moments after the incident. It read: “TGIF! Margaritas tonight with my gals.” The TGIF stands for Thank God It’s Friday.

“I guess she wasn’t really bothered by the whole thing. At least not as much as I was. See, thats why I needed a good comeback,” commented Melanie. “She doesn’t even seem upset. Also, it was a Thursday.”

Kelly Collette
Kelly is a standup comedian who has performed at limestone, San Francisco Sketchfest, laughfest and more. She tours nationally and was named Best Comedian in Cincinnati.