“My Sage Ritual Is Definitely What Has Protected Me From COVID” Says Woman With Millions of Dollars

I’ve always been an advocate of self-care. I believe it’s every individual’s responsibility to take every available step to achieve optimal wellness, even if taking the easy way out feels tempting. That’s why I’ve been putting in the work by smudging my home with sage for the past ten years. It smells so good, and the practice that some haters have called “ineffective” or “pointless” is actually really amazing because it gives me something to do in my ample leisure time, when I’m not at a private yoga class or acupuncture appointment. If you ask me, during this pandemic, everyone owes it to herself to adopt a sage-smudging ritual. I mean, if that isn’t what’s been keeping me healthy, what has? My socioeconomic status and associated privilege? Ha, sorry, life isn’t that simple. 

I really don’t think it’s a coincidence that, since starting my smudging practice, I’ve also been living pretty much disease free. (Well, technically, I’ve gotten mono a few times, but if you think about it, everything happens for a reason, so the universe probably wanted that to happen. It doesn’t mean the sage didn’t work; it just means it works in mysterious ways). My sister also likes to remind me that I have all my vaccines so it’s possible that has something to with my bill of good health. But if you ask me, I’m pretty sure it’s all thanks to my good-luck sage. 

Honestly, ever since COVID hit, I’ve been feeling especially blessed for my spiritual sage-smudging ritual. I sincerely think it is what has kept all my vibes super good. I mean, with so many cases in the US, how else is it that I have stayed COVID-free? Do you really expect me to believe that because I work a high-paying, non-essential job from home that I’m more able to abide by social distancing? I think you’re forgetting that I still have to attend my sound bath circles at Antonia’s house every week. So, no—I don’t exactly socially distance, which means your theory doesn’t hold up. 

It’s true I have a lot of money in the bank, which allows me to hire concierge doctors who can administer weekly COVID tests in the safety of my home. But may I remind you: that very same home that these doctors enter is without a doubt always blessed with sage. So who’s to say what component is truly responsible for all the healing powers: the medical professionals who cost $500 per visit, or the sage. I don’t think it does anyone a service to jump to conclusions. 

We will never really know why I’m so healthy all the time. But thank God for everyone whose life I touch that I’m doing so great. All I know is I need to be here so I can keep inspiring all of you. Namaste.

Image: Tetra imagesJGI/Jamie Grill

Mary Gulino
Author: Mary Gulino
Mary is an LA-based writer from New Jersey whose work can be seen online and on TV (unless you count streaming platforms as online, in which case, it's all online). She got glasses when she was two, and would love to talk optometry sometime.