This Woman is Having a “Hot Girl Summer” By Constantly Sweating

As we all know, summer 2019 is “hot girl summer,” and Dana Margolis, 25, is fully participating. But while trendy influencers embody the phrase by capturing alluring photos of themselves and being the overall life of the party, Dana is trying to avoid all photos, standing off to the side of the metaphorical party near the proverbial punch bowl, sweating her tits off. Technically, she checks all the boxes of the popular Megan Thee Stallion-coined phrase, though it seems Dana herself would prefer to go unnoticed until fall rolls around, so she can cover up her pit stains with chunky knits.

“Dana is a girl, and she is hot, and it is summer. It’s beautiful in its simplicity,” says Dana’s friend Rachel. “She’s taking the concept to a whole new level by reducing it to its essential form.”

Dana has been spotted having her hot girl summer all over town: at the park, in her car, at the gym, and even in the air-conditioned grocery store, where most shoppers are spotted shivering, but where Dana’s gray t-shirt was irreparably drenched in sweat. “I have a problem,” admits Dana. “I think I need a new doctor who’ll finally prescribe me extra strength antiperspirant.”

Dana and her friends are looking forward to an upcoming trip to Mexico, during which time Dana is projected to take her hot girl summer international. Dana is reportedly packing lots of extra shirts in anticipation of sweating through each outfit by lunchtime. When asked about her placement within the trendy cultural moment, Dana herself was humble as ever. “This is so embarrassing. Please stop talking about how sweaty I am.” What an icon!

Image: Internation Hyperhidrosis Society

Mary Gulino
Author: Mary Gulino
Mary is an LA-based writer from New Jersey whose work can be seen online and on TV (unless you count streaming platforms as online, in which case, it's all online). She got glasses when she was two, and would love to talk optometry sometime.