Tide Pods Clean Up Their Act, “We’re Vegan Now!”

In the meme yearbook, the class of 2017 will be remembered for a few notable alums including Salt Bae, White Blinking Guy, and of course, sneaking in right before the year’s end the Tide Pod Challenge.

The design team was clearly aiming for a vivid, futuristic look, but what they created ended up looking an awful lot like a massive Gusher. It was only a matter of time before someone thought, “What if we eat this ironically?” 

“My meme page Jerri Seinfield had some avid fans, but mostly, they thought I was like Jerry Seinfield’s intern or neice or whatever,” Simone Ciders said, “That is, until I made the Tide Pods meme. Now, I get invited to be an influencer for Coconut Water. I’m on the Tara Lipinski and Johnny Weir track for fame, my publicist says!”   

Once the challenge went viral, there were videos of teens popping these packets into their mouths like a piece of bubble gum. After a spike in meme related poisonings, Tide pulled the product and added a warning label, made the container clear and made the detergent taste more bitter.

Proctor and Gamble was clearly not pleased with this turn in events.  The CEO of the company Bethany Gamble tweeted, “I never thought I’d need to ask people not to eat the detergent. Please stop. We just wanted to save you the trouble of lugging your detergent to the laundromat.”

They even hired Rob Gronkowski to make a public service announcement. “No, no, no, no, no! Tide pods are for washing, not eating.” 

Publicist Anya Ziplo said, “I see this in rowdy young stars all the time. They have a scandal, and they lie low for a bit while we clean up their image. I wouldn’t be surprised if Tide starts really switching it up. You can’t make these little pods look so fun and pretty if you don’t want people to try them.”

Ziplo suggested packaging them entirely in burlap or bamboo.

“That’s all the rage. I give it 3 months before they go organic. How about Free and Gentle? Let’s see those millennials try to wreck that one” she commented.

At press time, it only took 2.4 seconds for a 13 year old to make a meme about Tide Pods Free and Gentle for vegans.

Image: Mike Ahlers/CNN

Tricia D'Onofrio
Tricia D'Onofrio is a comedian and writer from Connecticut, but not the tennis part. She has determined that 2020 will be her year, despite all signs pointing to the opposite. She always believed herself to be a unique individual, but it turns out she's just a textbook Sagittarius.