Woman Claims She’ll Put the Toilet Paper on the Holder “Next Time I Go”

You’re working from home. Maybe you pee every twenty minutes to step away from the computer, maybe you just drank too much iced coffee this morning. Either way, it’s time to go. You get to the bathroom, you relieve yourself. You look to your left, and there on the holder are the last two sheets of toilet paper.

“It’s probably not enough,” you think to yourself. But you’ll make it work.

Then it’s that fateful moment. The roll is just there, empty, not a single sheet of TP on it. Naked. You glance at the cabinet under the sink. You know there are spare rolls, but it’s just…so much work. You decide against replacing it. It’s fine, there’s always next time.

You flush, wash your hands, and look longingly back at the empty roll, sitting there all innocently. You know it belongs in the trash and that a new one should find its home there. But, no, it’s way too much work. You return to the couch and forget all about it.

Another twenty minutes go by. That iced coffee is really running right through you. Time to go again.

You have the moment of realization, “Oh no, I need to replace the roll.”

Then you come up with the most brilliant excuse to avoid the deed again.

“I can just drip dry. It’ll be fine. How wet does pee really even make you?”

You sit there, twerking on the toilet, shaking your pee off. This has gone too far. You really need to grow up and just…do it. Just change the damn roll. But you can’t. You’re paralyzed with procrastination.

“I know I’ve said this to myself before, but the next time I go will be the winner. I’ll definitely do it then. I mean, my roommate can do it if she really wants it to be replaced that badly. She’s too passive aggressive to bring it up anyway. Okay.Cool.”

And yet again, you’re in the same place that you were earlier today. But YOLO, you’ll get to it…eventually.

Image: Shutterstock/Today Show

Anna Snapp
Author: Anna Snapp
Anna is a Brooklyn-based actor and writer, trying to figure which is more important to her: taking down the men on dating apps who refer to themselves as "humble", or watching enough terrible reality TV to officially lessen her value. Anna believes in progressive politics, Dua Lipa, and mediocre boxes of Sauvignon Blanc.