Wow! This Guy Makes Six Figures and Still Has Bad Hair

Some guys have large incomes, and some guys have bad hair. Carson Connors is a man who has both in spades.

Carson, who rakes in $120,000 per year before bonuses, can easily afford a $30 haircut (a price tag on the high end for men) every few months or so. If he ever chooses to go to a barbershop instead of defaulting to his stubborn “kitchen scissors in the mirror” approach, he might also learn some helpful tips for how to maintain a healthy look between appointments. But for now, this sort of regimen in not in the cards for Carson, because he doesn’t care. He’s too distracted by his money, which he decidedly does not put toward his early onset baldness, dandruff, or distractingly uneven sideburns.

When asked what his dream hairstyle would look like, Carson considers, before landing on, “Bald, probably.”

The answer doesn’t surprise those who are close to Carson, and familiar with his long- time admiration of tech business mogul Jeff Bezos. In pursuit of modeling his own career off that of the Amazon CEO, Carson has identified his long-term financial goal is to make more money. A lot more. Eventually, he might even start his own business and use that to make—that’s right—even more money. If all goes according to plan, perhaps one day Carson can be as wealthy as Bezos, with hair just as bad.

Many of Carson’s closest friends are men chasing the same dream—a future that includes a net worth that is directly inverse to the quality of their hair. Remarkably, none of the men interviewed suggested any problem with this observed trend. Said one man (who also works in finance and makes money from moving around other people’s money), “That’s so shallow. Why would I care what my hair looks like?”

When asked whether women should adopt an equally cavalier approach to hairstyling, Carson Connors was visibly taken aback. “What do you mean, like should they show up to work looking like they just rolled out of bed? Um no, that sounds really unprofessional.”

Image: Top Trends Guide

Mary Gulino
Author: Mary Gulino
Mary is an LA-based writer from New Jersey whose work can be seen online and on TV (unless you count streaming platforms as online, in which case, it's all online). She got glasses when she was two, and would love to talk optometry sometime.