By Charlotte Wilson Langley
1. Lock it up - put it in a kitchen safe
You’ve seen those fancy safes that keep forbidden treats locked for a certain amount of time, right? Well who says those jars are just for cookies? If you’re finding yourself scrolling endlessly when you’ve got a million things on your to-do list, just toss your phone in the safe. Sure, you might miss an emergency call or an opportunity of a lifetime...but control is important.
2. Make your mother in law a “close friend” on social media
As soon as you log in, you’ll be bombarded with her strange public posts that were supposed to be direct messages. Don’t have a mother-in-law? An overly religious relative will work.
3. Downgrade your phone
If you’re wasting valuable hours everyday posting everything you do on Instagram stories, simply curb the habit by ordering an iPhone 4 or older. You’ll barely be able to make calls, much less open the phone, so loading a social media app will be a miracle. You can thank me later.
4. Spend time in nature
If you’re feeling dangerously addicted to social media, you don’t need a pricey app to lock you out of instagram. Try getting outside! Being in nature is a natural antidote for breaking away from the addiction of social media use. My recommendation, go for a hike, find a poison ivy bush and grab it tightly with both hands making sure that it touches each finger tip. Hold for 30 seconds. You’ll feel results in about 20 minutes and you’ll be completely unable to use your phone for at least 7 days.
5. Give out that phone number
Have a work project that was due days ago but you can’t stop seeing how cute you look with filters and face apps? Here’s the fix: Give all your work clients your personal cell phone number. Put it in your email signature. No further explanation needed.
6. Go to the doctor
Still can’t stop keeping up with the Kardashians? Then maybe it’s time to get your yearly eye exam. Pro tip: make sure they dilate your pupils. Boom. Social Media addiction solved for at least 4 hours.
7. Take your phone for a ride
Here’s one for the adventurous person. “Accidentally” leave your phone on an airplane. Fill out a report, call the airline, call the airport, do everything you’re supposed to do. You won’t see your phone for at least 3 months.
8. Get a pet
Pets are great for your mental health. I recommend a big fuzzy tarantula. Pop that iPhone into your new furry friend’s aquarium and when you feel like seeing what your ex is doing for the thirty-seventh time today, see how spider man feels about that.
9. Be approachable
Set your Facebook messenger to “always online.” Everyone from highschool, as well as that one guy you met once during your stint as a background actor, will always want to chat. You’ll always want to hide!
10. Call in the forces
Hire a phone concierge service. For only $19.99 a month you can hire a service like www.Takemyphone.com* and your very own phone assistant will show up at your door, slap you in the face and take your phone for eight hours.
*Take my phone doesn’t exist, but it should.