5 DIY Trail Mix Recipes to Distract You From the Horror on Your Newsfeed

By Julia D'Angelo

It’s another afternoon in the office, your AM latte is long gone and it feels like the government has found a way to build “the wall” around your neocortex. You’re ready for a well-balanced boost that will satisfy a need for something salty and some sweet mind numbing relief. What could be more effective than a personalized balance of nuts, dried fruits and DIY reality avoiding tactics? Badass boss bitches look no further, here are five easy-peasy DIY trail mix recipes that will cure your afternoon “my newsfeed is exploding with never ending horror” scaries!

Fiber Rich and Fancy Free

No matter what’s happening on the evening news, or on the incessant live feed streaming to your phone, you need to take care of your digestive track. It’s easy: think fiber! Nuts are naturally rich in fiber and that’s good news for your internal bff, aka your gut. Bottomline: if your gut isn’t working, how will you know when to run? Get it girl!

¼ cup of walnuts

¼ cup of almonds

¼ cup of raisins

1 cup of ground flaxseed (snort to taste)

Sweet and Safe for Now

The secret to feeling good about another long afternoon at the office reading CNN articles while weeping is sweeter than you think. Chocolate! The trick is balancing your coco intake with plant-based proteins and shoving your phone through an ajar window. Mix up the following and position yourself wisely.

¼ cup peanuts

½ cup chocolate (your choice, go dark for bonus antioxidants)

¼ cup raisins

¼ cup pumpkin seeds

1 window that opens just wide enough to slide a smartphone out of

Un-Assaulted (Low Sodium and Living My Best Life)

Sodium is known to trigger both bloating and hysteria, big no-no’s for a gal on the go. Plus it can make swiping left, right, and even clicking “read more” with actual tears in your eyes more difficult due to grainy fingertips. You can stay painfully informed and limit your sodium intake with this unassuming recipe. You’ll feel leaner than ever as you sweat bullets on your commute home. Don't be afraid to be your best you!

½ cup unsalted peanuts

½ cup unsalted walnuts

½ cup unsalted almonds

1 loose leaf journal to anxiously free write in when a guy who fits the news description gets on your train

Has the Whole Country Gone Craisins?

You’re not in the business of diagnosing people, but this one is easy enough for an innocent bystander to whip up. No license, degree, or even waiting period necessary! You’re back in charge with this foolproof recipe. 

½ cup Craisins

¼ cup peanuts

¼ cup walnuts 

1 empty Styrofoam cup to collect change in when you literally can’t bear to pay into this twisted system any longer

Tropical Paradise (Fuck it!)

Did I say that in real life or in my head? Fuck! Let’s add a shit ton more chocolate and move to an isolated island populated by tropical birds and personable coconuts because this is literally never ending. 

½ cup shredded coconut (unsweetened to lower the calorie count)

1 cup cashews

½ cup diced, dried mango or passion fruit pieces

1-100 cups of 70% dark chocolate chips (to taste)

Pack your bikini ladies; you’re going to be rocking a super sleek beach bod with these ridiculously easy trail mix recipes that will make you say “I’m handling life as an active participant in our broken systems like a goddess! Everything is fine guys! Seriously! I’m fine!”

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