By Mary Gulino
You want your wedding day to be an event that people will recall fondly for years to come. A destination wedding is the perfect way to personalize the experience and give your guests the trip of a lifetime. Even though these coastal wedding destinations won’t last forever—whoopsie, carbon overload up in this atmosphere!—the beautiful memories certainly
1. Costa Rica: The pale, fine sands of the Costa Rican beaches will create a serene backdrop for your wedding photos. Hurry up and book now, because pretty soon all that picturesque sand will be completely submerged.
2. Cozumel: For an international experience that’s just a short plane ride away, look no further than Cozumel, Mexico. Caveat: if you wait too long, you absolutely will have to look further, because Cozumel won’t be around after 2040, at which point sea levels will have risen to disastrous heights.
3. Nantucket: Channel your inner Kennedy with a preppy, seaside New England wedding. Fair warning, though: just like JFK, Nantucket will suffer a tragic, early demise. Thanks brutal effects of global warming!
4. Maui: Say “Aloha” to one of the most popular wedding destinations on the planet. Your family will cherish the excuse to travel to this lover’s paradise, as long as you book ASAP, and certainly before 2040. Because they will not cherish booking a flight to a place that no longer exists.
5. Key West: For an exotic feel that’s still within the contiguous 48 states, Key West offers a delightfully tropical (and travel-friendly) vibe. But be careful to plan around hurricane season, winds in the Keys can get so high as to require mandatory evacuations. And if your wedding lands on a date after 2040, then be careful not to book at all, because the evacuation will be permanent. The island will be underwater.
6. Miami: For the uninitiated, Miami isn’t just for spring break. It can also be for classy, beachfront affairs! Not for long, though. The apocalypse is nigh!
7. Bermuda: Flying through the mysterious Bermuda triangle should honestly be the least of your worries with this one. Sea levels rise 3.2 millimeters every year! How is everyone okay with this?!?!?!
8. Amalfi Coast: Italy’s Amalfi Coast provides unparalleled elegance if you’re willing to splurge. But your short-term monetary costs are nothing compared to the environmental hits our globe is taking on the daily! Did you know the technology to remove carbon from the atmosphere already exists, but governments are too gummed up by special interests to invest in them? What hell!
Wedding planning is a true joy, especially if an unforgettable trip is on the table. What a shame that your children, and their children’s children, will never get to see any of these places because you corrupt industries can’t sacrifice their carbon footprints. Enjoy your SUV or whatever. Hope it’s worth the cataclysmic destruction it’s causing! And congrats again on your engagement!