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BREAKING: High School Bully Is a Life Coach Now

By Mary Gulino


According to her recent social media status updates, Kerrie Kennedy—the girl who made you cry on no fewer than 10 occasions between grades 9-12—is now the CEO of a start-up business designed to empower people to harness their full potential and live their best lives! Can you say "Girl Power!?"

Kerrie wants her network of connections to know that, despite the fact that she kept a list of the “Ugliest People in School” and circulated it every Monday at study hall, she recently graduated with a Masters of Business Administration, and wants to put it to use lifting up those around her. Who knows what changed in Kerrie—but suddenly she’s done stepping on people’s necks and instead wants to empty their pockets! Good for her!

Kerrie understands that many people could simply benefit from an outside perspective to develop creative solutions for how to leverage their skills, whatever they may be, into satisfying careers. Many people have trouble owning their strengths or feeling confident in their attributes, especially people who were told repeatedly during their formative years that they’re a “dumb bitch.” Whoops, what are the odds, turns out it was Kerrie who said that! Looks like Kerrie has her work cut out for her undoing all the trauma she imposed upon her peers.

Once she builds up her client base, Kerrie hopes to arrange meet and greets for her clients so that they can network with others who are also in the hustling phase of their fledgling careers. Kerrie better watch out though—as soon as people’s repressed memories of her torturous behavior in high school snap back into focus, there will be hell to pay. She can expect a full mutiny, and that would be a PR nightmare for her life coaching enterprise. Fortunately, Kerrie took a lot of PR classes in business school, so it’s nothing she can’t handle. Hell yes! Lean in! You rock that blazer, hunny!


Image: Paramount/Seventeen


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