Corn on the Cob Would Like to Stop Being Treated Like a Summer Fling

Updated: Sep 28, 2019

Mackenzie Moore

Image: Soul Cycle

In the days leading up to any summer cookout or outdoor soiree, I guarantee the gracious hosts will be hyping the presence of the illusive yellow veggie. “We’ll have corn on the cob!!!” they’ll say, dangling this starchy log in front of guests like a seasonal carrot. 

Let’s pause to think about the corn for a minute. Now, think of yourself as a little ear of corn at the grocery store. You’re fresh into this wild world and already carrying an enormous burden. For the past three seasons, consumers have been absolutely shitting on your true cob form. They’ve been shaving you, drying you and grinding your little kernels into polenta. They’ve been flash freezing you and sticking you into weird medleys with a bunch of other B level veggies (Looking at you, peas.) They’ve been popping you and scalding you in butter, just so they can stare at a screen in a dark room.

By the time summer rolls around, you’re confused to say the least. Imagine what an exercise in gaslighting it is when someone starts buying you not in ones or twos, but by the bag! Family memories are being created around shucking your silky wisps away before you’re plopped on the grill. A small arsenal of utensils is acquired to properly eat you, and your rein over the butter dish is undeniable – it’s an incredibly electric feeling. You are loved.

And then in a flash of a calendar page, it’s gone. September creeps in and no one is adding you to their shopping carts. No one is tagging you in foodgrams with cheeky emojis.  You no longer are the star of the bin in front of the grocery store. You are passé, a change of pace to the palette and nothing more. So as you are pushed out of the spotlight and into cans of salsa... sweet corn, remember this feeling for next year.

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