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How To Ensure You'll Stay Single Forever

By Ashley Singleton

While Kate Hudson (aka Andie Anderson) taught us all how to lose a guy in ten days, she forgot to tell us what happens next. Sure, she got her happily ever after, but if the majority of us acted as she did, we’d still be single on day 11. So, are you currently single and do you want to keep it that way…forever? If so, here are five ways to ensure that you’ll enjoy that #singlelife long term. 


#1

We’ve all unintentionally “liked” an old photo on Instagram while casually stalking our potential significant others. But, here’s one better. Follow and unfollow your person of interest several times on all social media platforms (LinkedIn included) and see if they follow you back. This will add an element of intrigue and keep them guessing. Perhaps they’ll view it as the new-age version of playing hard to get, or they’ll think you’re just straight up crazy and block you. Here's hoping!


#2

Remember when you were 15 and you had to ask your parents before you could hang out with friends? Do that every time someone asks for your number or invites you out. You can casually say, “I’m not sure if I’m available yet. Let me ask my mom.” They may think you’re joking, but because you’ve had a bad dating record, you need a second opinion if this prospect is worth your time. Your mom’s disapproving tone will give you enough of a reason to say no to any dating potential lover. 


#3

Are you still holding out for love at first sight? Hate to break it to you, but in 2019, it’s more like love at first swipe. If you refuse to use any dating app because “you want to meet someone in person” you may want to get used to the idea of getting a table for one!


#4

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, right? If you’re looking to stay single forever, follow these words of wisdom and compare every potential dating prospect to your celebrity crush. That way, everyone will fall short and no one will ever measure up to the perfect person you’ve built up in your head. Take Harry Styles for example. No one will ever have his dreamy green eyes, dimples, sexy smile, and success...so why even bother?


#5

If you believe in destiny, never put yourself out there and just stay at home with your Uber Eats and Netflix. If you’re meant to meet someone, it’ll happen serendipitously. Embracing this mantra will almost ensure you’ll stay single forever, so if that’s your goal, click ‘next episode’ and keep on binging.


Image: WeHeartIt

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