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Medical Professionals Say a Virtual Happy Hour a Day Will Keep Corona Away

By Anna Snapp


Most of us are starving for dates with our friends to the local bar for five-dollar vodka sodas at 5:00 PM on a Tuesday, or for literally any kind of social contact that does not involve our family or roommates. We are social creatures! We need human interaction to function. Pardon my language, but this pandemic can really go take a hike!


But there is hope! Every day, more and more doctors and medical professionals have been coming forward to let the public know that there is a sure-fire way to keep Coronavirus away: virtual happy hours. Every day, no matter what.


“Even just sipping on a single glass of whiskey between the hours of 5 and 7 pm will lower your chances of being infected, not to mention will also keep you smiling a bit more," a local infectious disease expert said to us, winking. 


But this can’t be right…is this all true? Will a glass of wine…or three over Zoom with your best friends keep you even the smallest amount safer? We sure don’t know, but we won’t oppose this brilliant beyond brilliant proposal. 


Maybe it’s naïve for us to think drinks with our friends over video chat will keep us protected, but it will sure keep us (relatively) sane. We know in our hearts that we have to keep the physical distance from our best pals, and even sport some new protective attire that ain’t so fashionable when we buy our groceries. But wouldn’t it be truly magical if the thing we were all doing at the end of the work day for the past month was actually, dare I say, helping, instead of, perhaps…starting a disastrous new drinking habit that may kick us in the ass when this is all over?  That’s not for today though. For now, open up your laptop, sit back, and enjoy a virtual drink or three.

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