By Lisa Laureta
Researchers conducting a study on your girlfriend, have recently uncovered large amounts of evidence that she does not indeed enjoy watching you play video games for hours on end.
Quite often, Caroline will come over whether there is a definite plan or not. As the night progresses, thoughts of eating a meal together or sharing stories about each other’s days subside when it becomes evident that the plan for the night is just sitting next to you on your futon. As you yell into your headphones, discussing strategy and killing zombies or Nazis or whatever the enemy of the chosen game is, she maintains the stance of “I’m cool with this.” However, research has concluded that Caroline would rather be doing pretty much anything else.
While you were deeply entrenched in a Call of Duty battle Tuesday evening, scientists brought an MRI machine into your apartment. The images taken of Caroline’s brain detected little to no activity, aside from varying degrees in an area of the amygdala that’s commonly referred to as the “rage center.” These sites lit up the most upon hearing you say, “Oh, did you see that babe! No not you, I’m talking to my girlfriend you loser! Yeah right, you wish you were getting laid!”
As you forged on to the next level, Caroline made an unnoticed disappearance as she followed scientists into your kitchen and answered some basic questions while doing your dishes.
“Did you have plans tonight?”
“Were your plans to watch him play a video game?”
“No, but it’s whatever.”
When asked what she’d rather be doing, her answers ranged from, “Literally anything else,” to “Maybe I could try to play too? But then, he says I’ll just button mash.”
Through the findings of the research project, now being referred to as the “Cool Girlfriend Study,” scientists were also surprised to discover that there is a definite link between video games and violence.
“But it’s not where we once thought,” said Dr. Armond Decante, the lead scientist, who made sure we knew he also kicks ass at Call of Duty. “The acts of violence had less to do with storming into buildings with guns and more to do with fantasies of jumping out of windows, or, throwing their partner out of windows.”
The findings have sent shockwaves through Reddit, positing the query, "Is this all girlfriends, or just Chad’s?"
Caroline has since been diagnosed with a condition known as “OneoftheGuysitis,” a common disorder among women her age. Not wanting to be the “bad guy” or a “nag," she’s decided to sit and be nice while you have your fun. Is there an ultimate payoff for this behavior? Doctor’s are uncertain, as are girlfriends, but there’s likely one there. There’s got to be.