Three Bodycon Dresses To Wear To The Club That Scream, “I Haven’t Been Laid Since Last October”

By Anna Snapp

You didn’t realize it at the time. You thought you’d go a few months without sexy time, but then quarantine happened. And in no way are you going to risk your life just to feel some pleasure…as hard as it is to convince yourself of that.

But rest assured, when bars and clubs are back open you’ll be the first in line, wearing that dress you could never wear around your mother. I mean, she would go into cardiac arrest if she saw you in half the wardrobe you own.

You want to find the perfect dress that will knock the men’s socks off, and leave them begging to bring you home. Let’s review our options:

1. The Low-Cut Dress

A crowd favorite, especially with your D-cup. You know in your heart that a man who can’t keep his eyes above your chest doesn’t deserve to have you wifed up by next year, but man, has it been a long ass time. You need someone to flick your bean, and FAST.

2. The Backless Dress

Oh man, does this one do wonders. You know when the guy “smoothly” puts his hand on your lower back to offer you a drink, he’ll be feeling just a little bit of your silky skin and will go absolutely nuts. This one guarantees he’ll be a giver tonight…not just a receiver.

3. The Oh-So-Short Mini Dress

Well—you’ve got an ass, don’t you? Why not highlight it? Some men are butt guys, so let’s taunt them just a tad. And let’s not fool ourselves—we can’t resist a firm but gentle spanking every now and then. (Sorry, Mom)

So, it’s settled. Come later this year, you’ll grab your single girlfriends and have a night on the town. I mean, you’re not playing around—you need to get laid, and fast. Now you’re just wondering how much longer this absolute plague will be going on. Your vibrator just isn’t enough, and neither is that curvy channel on PornHub. But don’t fret, when you return to the bar scene, you’ll be so DTF that you’ll be on the prowl and won’t have any trouble scoring a guy—even if you are kind of out of his league. Whatever, the rules went out the window when we started social distancing…right?

Image: DJ Mag

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