Embroidery is a delightful cottagecore trend that’s having quite the moment. But like all good things, this cozy craft has sadly been co-opted by one of the most selfish populations out there—incredibly hot people. As a result, when we normies try to embroider, it just looks all wrong. This outcome is tragic and unfair, but it’s the world we live in.
Uh oh, did you just drop $20 rush shipping from some Swedish embroidery supply shop on Etsy, and now you don’t know what to do? Don’t panic yet. There’s still a chance you may be in the clear to embroider onward to your heart’s content. First, just take this easy quiz to find out if you meet the hotness threshold!
1. Do you feel a distinct kinship with the women on the left in this meme?
a.) No. If anything, I’m the insecure woman on the right.
b.) Yes, I turn heads so much they often snap right off, it’s unfortunate.
2. Were you ever called “bookish” growing up?
a.) Wait yeah…is that a bad thing?
b.) No ew, I was the hot one.
3. Do you know what pattern you want to embroider once your supplies arrive?
a.) Um like a flower or something? Or cactus? Maybe a flowering cactus?
b.) My own face, it’s stunning.
4. Do you have a sizable following on Twitter?
a.) I have about 150 followers. Is that a lot?
b.) Do you mean TikTok?
5. Have you ever crafted before?
a.) Yes, I’ve had an Etsy account for five years. My favorite crafts are embroidery, crochet, and felting.
b.) Ha, trick question, my experience is irrelevant because I’m hot.
ANSWER KEY
MOSTLY As: Ooph, sorry, you do not meet the hotness threshold to engage in this wholesome activity. If we lived in a sane world governed by some semblance of law and order, embroidery would fit squarely in your lifestyle domain. But that is simply not our reality. Blame Instagram, idk what to tell you!
MOSTLY Bs: Wow, you absolute embroidery kween, I’m sorry for ever doubting you. Pick up a needle and start stichin’, bitch. You are muy caliente and apparently, that’s all that matters in this crafting economy, babe.
