If the man you’re speaking with seems uncharacteristically quiet, it could be an encouraging sign that he’s trying to become a more active listener. Otherwise, it might signal that he’s engrossed in a podcast, and isn’t even remotely aware that you’re trying to have a conversation. If you find yourself in this gray area and want help interpreting his silence, take to this quiz for some answers!
1. Is he making eye contact?
A.) Yes, very steady eye contact. His thoughtful silence is also preceded by him asking me the question, “What do you think?” I think he’s just waiting on me to respond?
B.) No eye contact. He’s turned away and doing something else, like rotating his bike tires or chopping carrots.
C.) No eye contact, but that’s not unusual because he usually just looks at my boobs anyway.
2. Can you spot any teeny tiny headphones in his ears?
A.) No headphones, his ears seem to be raw dogging it. I think we’re having a real conversation?
B.) Wow, now that you mention it, there are some teeny tiny AirPods wedged in there. Why are they so teeny tiny?!? Apple needs to stop.
C.) Yeah, I see headphones but they are always in his ears 24/7, no matter what he’s doing. This guy loves looking important.
3. Has he said anything to you in the last few minutes?
A.) He chimed in about two minutes ago. As I said, I think he’s just…being polite? This is a possibility, right?
B.) Not a word, but he has chortled a few times at odd intervals. Okay the more you grill me about this, the clearer it becomes that, not only is he for sure listening to a podcast, but it’s probably, like, Joe Rogan.
C.) Yes and he’s also chortled to himself at random intervals. I don’t think he’s listening to Joe Rogan, but I do think he is laughing at the mere memory of it. Arguably, this is worse.
4. Has he ever said anything about you being like/not like other girls?
A.) No. He would never reduce a whole gender of people to sweeping stereotypes like that.
B.) Yeah, one time he told me all the women in his life are “always like this.”
C.) Yes and I’m sorry to report that he thinks I’m “not like other girls.”
MOSTLY As: Good news! The man you are speaking with knows he is engaged in a meaningful dialogue. Fortunately, his silence is merely a welcome opportunity for you to share your thoughts and feelings. This is normal and good and you deserve it!
MOSTLY Bs: I’m sorry to report that the person across from you is listening to a podcast. Feel free to continue speaking and sharing your truth, just know he is not actually present enough to receive it. Maybe you’ll catch him at a better moment next time!
MOSTLY Cs: Whoof. On the one hand, the man across from you is not listening to a podcast. However, he is still so toxic that he will never truly hear what you have to say. Time to cut your losses and slowly back away, my friend. Maybe buy a nice journal.
