Science Confirms Wearing Enough Leopard Print Can Replace Self Esteem

While psychologist Rhonda Wilson was getting dressed one morning, she was feeling particularly insecure about putting anything on her body. Each article of clothing would retract from her body like a magnet… until she pulled out a flirty, little piece. Items like this were typically reserved for special occasions like going to a hookah lounge to meet your friend’s cousin or finally using your gift card to Applebee’s.

That day, Rhonda decided she would put on a leopard print skirt to go to work. Upon pulling up the zipper, a wave of euphoria swept across her body. What was this sense of relief? After a morning of feeling unattractive, these brown spots turned Rhonda into a super fox. From this experience, a hypothesis came to her mind. “What if cheetah print is an efficient way to counteract self-esteem issues?” she asked herself. When she arrived to work at Harvard’s psychology research department, she knew she had to find out. 

A random study of one hundred students was conducted where participants started the experiment with varying levels of confidence. First, confidence levels were manipulated through the usual sources of momentary relief. Researchers would have an ex’s new partner like an old photo on the participant’s social media. Then, trendy items like spray foam mirror and bucket hats were given to participants so they could take selfies with them and rake in some clout. Confidence levels were recorded to go up slightly but then crash, sometimes lower than before the participant had started the experiment.

Finally, a leopard print statement piece was offered to the participants. What researchers observed was a spike in self-esteem and at least 200% increase in eye sparkle. Peacocking behavior was recorded during the leopard print phase, such as pursed lips, hair flips, and catwalks that would make Tyra Banks blush. An unexpected cost to this research project was uncovered when participants refused to give their leopard print items back to Harvard.

When the study concluded, Wilson published an article in the American Journal of Psychiatry about the effects of leopard print on the human psyche. In keeping track of the participant’s experience after the experiment, Wilson discovered that 80 out of 100 participants wore leopard print on a regular basis and reported a higher quality of life but an increase in catcalling.

The other 20 had gone out to purchase more leopard print immediately following the study and have gained the confidence to believe they can be influencers. Leopard print is incredibly effective for filling any gaps in one’s self-esteem that was damaged by teen magazines. If you do not see any instantaneous results with applying leopard print, this study suggests adding more leopard print until desired effect is achieved. Warning: A leopard print co-ord may be too much self esteem for beginners to handle. If you experience any faintness while handling leopard print, contact a doctor immediately.

Bex Nava
Author: Bex Nava
Bex is a UC Davis alumni who started their own standup and improv clubs on campus. They are now on a journey to make comedy more inclusive and accessible. Find them one day running a queer cafe/comedy venue.