The unthinkable has happened. Every human being’s worst nightmare. You’ve been through the wringer, and it didn’t make you stronger, it just made you worse. Your hairstylist talked you into something weird because she clearly just wanted to try something weird and you didn’t have the confidence to stop her. And if that weren’t challenging enough, none of your friends explicitly said they liked it when they saw you the next day. You’re not an idiot. You know what that means. You look like a huge idiot and everyone around town is talking about it. In a BAD way. In a really, really bad way.
Okay, so maybe bangs on one side and a cropped cut on the other wasn’t your best idea. And the highlights don’t go well with the lowlights. But you’ve never claimed to be perfect. And don’t you think it’s up to the people you consider your closest confidants to lie to your face about how it looks good? Come on.
“You got a haircut!” is not a compliment the way you think it is. If you comment ON the haircut, then legally, you have to say “it looks nice” or “you can really pull that off” or “no, I don’t think it makes your head look weird!” This isn’t rocket science. It’s not a science at all. It’s a social contract we enter as human beings.
So what exactly are your options? Well, you could play the neediest card in the book: “Do you guys like my haircut?” but we all know this makes you look like a simpering clown. And do you really wanna add more clown layers to your new look? I don’t think so. Plus, now you’ve opened yourself up to endure their obvious lies or worse, the truth. You could always drop hints that you’re upset nobody has expressed their adoration of your new style. But then you risk your friends gossiping about you for being passive-aggressive.
Is there actually a way to win in this situation? You could try not caring what your friends think about you. But we know you’re not going to be able to pull that off. You’re too emotionally fragile. With every inch the hairdresser takes off, a year’s worth of self-esteem is destroyed. Doctors recommend therapy if you have insurance, and if you don’t, try talking to a stranger on the bus until they get off three stops early. And remember: wear a hat.
