This Gen Z Influencer Has Already Purchased Her Own Home, and All She Had to Do Was Be Born Rich

Princess–Vivi, a TikTok influencer known for her uncanny ability to look young and beautiful on camera, has just purchased her own home at the age of 19. And all she had to do was constantly hustle online, grind every day, and be born to wealthy parents. We met Vivi to discuss fame, fortune and having it all. 

Vivi smoked her grape jelly-flavored vape with the confidence and ease of a much older woman. “I’ve always been mature. Last March when the world went into hiding from the virus, I decided to master the Renegade dance. It was this wise business decision that really helped bolster my online empire. Also, my parents’ mansion looked really good in the background.”

When pressed, Vivi admitted it hasn’t always been easy for her. “I used to get bullied pretty bad,” she tearfully confessed. “Kids in school mocked me for my expensive clothes and fine jewelry. But I’ve taken that pain and resentment and used it to fuel my success. Now? I’m a homeowner. So take that, poors.”

Yes, girlboss! Yes, queen! Yes, She-EO! 

With millions of followers on TikTok, Instagram, and her Youtube channel where she reviews thongs, she’s got the ‘women’ market cornered! She’s made thousands of dollars off of sponsorships and her deal with Amazon Prime, where a drone delivers a hologram cameo to your door for only hundreds of dollars.

“My business acumen has really helped me. I tell young girls, it helps to have a brain filled with science. Also, my dad is best friends with Jeff Bezos and he’s going to go to space with him so I’ll get the mansion he leaves behind. I’ll probably have to put my mom in an old folks’ home so there’s enough room for my ring lights. Whatever, she’s 55, it’s time.”

Another win for feminism!

When this working girl isn’t blasting off on the real estate market, what is she doing? Why, financing the pop art of Logan Paul, of course!

“Yeah, my art started as a joke, but then people were buying it, so I was like, okay. It’s very serendipitous. I’m also working with Starbucks on a custom drink called the Vivi. It’s boysenberry syrup, lemonade, two shots of espresso, and whipped cream. I swear to God, it helped me lose three pounds because it made me so unbelievably sick. I really recommend it to anyone who isn’t as skinny as me.” 

What’s next for this pop star in training? A CW original show of course!

“The CW is rebooting Teen Wolf for an even younger audience. I play the hottest werewolf, Skyler. She’s basically extremely bisexual and provocative and she wears low-rise jeans. It’s kind of groundbreaking. And even though I’d never do anything gay, I love supporting the hot kind of bisexual women. I’m an ally like that.”

Thanks, Vivi! We can’t wait to see all that you do, and we expect you’ll broadcast every second of it online. 

Callie Webb
Author: Callie Webb
Callie is a comedian, human being, and woman. She has a fondness for George Michael and videos of unlikely animal friendships.