This Just In! Special K Replaces Ingredients with Recycled Cardboard to Improve Taste

One local Twitter user’s seemingly simple choice led to a dramatic change. At 2:00 P.M. on January 2nd, Brittany Gray, username BritG, created a public poll that shocked the world.

“I was watching a video during my work break when a Special K commercial popped up,” explained Gray, “As a millennial who survived their mother’s repeated Special K Challenge diets, I can’t even stand the smell of Special K. Do you remember those old commercials? They used skinny models to promote their diet for years. In college, I used those commercials in a paper about body shaming. So, I thought it’d be funny to post a joke poll. I made the poll question ‘What ingredient would make Special K cereal taste better?’ The options were dirt, cotton, grass, or cardboard.”

Little did Gray know what an impact this post would make. “I went back to work and when I glanced at my phone a few hours later over 1,000 people voted for cardboard. By the end of the week, the votes were in the millions. I just thought it was a joke that nothing would come of.” As this story proves, Gray thought wrong.

Last month, Gray read a surprising article detailing Special K’s upcoming product rollout of Special R, a new cereal fashioned from recycled cardboard. “I thought I clicked on a satire article,” Gray stated. But what Gray read was indeed an authentic news statement. Adam Smith, the company’s public relations representative, gladly provided the public with a behind-the-scenes look at the new project.

“When we discovered the poll, we realized that our consumers were speaking to us, so we listened. I’m surprised we didn’t think of recycled cardboard years ago. I mean, it’s both equally edible and nutritional as our current recipe. I’m just glad that we picked up this idea before anyone else did. It was only a matter of time before there were Slim R Shakes.” Smith explained that their new product utilizes environmental wellness and will lessen the food waste problem in the world. When pressed for scientific evidence proving these claims, Smith provided a plan outline and put an A+ sticker on the top.

Outside of the corporate world, Gray believed her tie to this product was at an end. “Then, I received a call from Mr. Smith, asking if I wanted to interview for a marketing position. I tried to explain that what I’d done was a joke, even mentioning my college paper, but he said that my viewpoint would add diversity and ended up selling me on the idea. So, you’re looking at the head of Special R’s marketing team. I’m in a corporate office, so I’ll never actually smell the cereal.”

Product test groups are already ongoing with people saying things like, “Wait, I thought Special K already was cardboard,” and “What do you mean they fed us cardboard? Am I going to die?!”

When asked if he’d try the new recipe, Smith whistled “hot cross buns” and handed out A+ stickers to the press.

Author: Brandy Gonzalez